Thursday, November 9, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Ep 7



  1. The merge is here! The merge is here!

  2. Chrissy is being cocky again right from the start of this episode. She's almost literally crowing about how awesome she is. I'm really starting to dislike her in spite of her strong strategic game.

  3. Somehow the tribe without Cole is the one that has no food? How did that happen?

  4. The merge party is hosted by Outback Steakhouse. Probst in-episode commercial for Outback was so painful that I could almost see the tears leaking out of his eyes. Yes, Probst, it has come to this. This is your worst season ever and may be a living nightmare for you too.

  5. Ben's celebration of a bone-in ribeye was crazy over-the-top. You may love ribeyes, cowboy, but there's not denying that this still came from Outback. On the other hand, if my Ben were the one cooking your bone-in ribeye, then yes, that was the appropriate level of celebration.

  6. Awesomely, Chrissy hates Joe after just two minutes of interacting with him. I don't really care which of them goes home. Either way would be a huge bonus for the Candlestick makers.

  7. Devon & Ben both claim that Cole is one of the biggest threats in the game. Huh??? Do they know anything about Cole?

  8. Dr. Mike is coming off as the anti-DoW of the week, providing interesting insight during his talking head moments, working through the strategy, trying to bolster his relationships & maintain alliances.

  9. Next it's the immunity challenge where Ryan insta-earns -1 for being first out of the challenge. Then Probst mocks him for 45 minutes, or 1100x as long as Ryan was in the challenge.

  10. Dr. Mike drops out of the challenge due to rule #1: no talking while gaming!

  11. Desi ends up winning the challenge (+6), proving once again that she is the baddest ass on this season. Okay, there's no sign of her being a big strategist, but maybe she decided that she needs to lay low on that end since she's so awesome at everything else.

  12. Back at camp, Chrissy suddenly becomes a target because they all realize that she's good at math. Cuz... Math. This is the second week in a row that her name is being tossed around & I think that should be concerning for Scrub Island and Cowboys. Being considered a major target this early in the season is pretty worrisome for someone who's unlikely to find idols or win challenges.

  13. At tribal council, Joe rambles on both aimlessly & aggressively while almost certainly singing the Killers' 'The Man' in his head. Then he whips out his idol & I have no idea why. And THEN he plays it for himself which seriously makes no sense!!

    Here's the thing: there has not been a season where somebody pulls out an idol, flashes it about and then everybody votes for that person anyway. So why on earth does Joe think that that is actually going to happen this time around? Yes, that would be extremely badass for an alliance to do. But you maybe shouldn't risk such a precious commodity on something that's has less than 1% chance of happening.

  14. In the end it's Jessica who goes home (+10 for making the jury). Joe nets -5 points for incorrectly playing an idol, and Cole is now without an alliance, friends, and lifelines. 


The Teams:
Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 67 points
  • Ryan (2 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Joe (19 pts)
  • Joe (19 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 54 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Desi (15 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 53 points
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (26 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 52 points
  • Ryan (3 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Jessica (26 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 52 points
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Desi (15 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 50 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

Player Rankings:
  1. Mike
  2. Lauren
  3. Desi
  4. Ben
  5. Chrissy
  6. Ryan
  7. Devon
  8. Ashley
  9. Joe
  10. JP
  11. Cole


Power Rankings:
  1. Cowboys: With three original heroes on their team, the Cowboys have to love how this vote came out. The past couple seasons have a precedent though of the vote swinging back & forth between two majors alliances at this point in the season, so they shouldn't get too comfortable though. I could see some kind of short-lived coup coming up that takes out Chrissy or Ashley before the Heroes regain control. Still, they're sitting pretty with 4 still in the game post-merge.
  2. Scrub Island: Scrub Island may not have a lot of muscle to it, but Desi is proving to be an asset and Mike & Chrissy have to be two of the best strategists in the game. This team is looking strong, though they'll need JP to pull some weight to help with winning some challenges along the way.
  3. Cuppa: Cuppa took a hit this episode with a completely pointless idol play. Not only did Joe have no sound logic for playing the idol, he will likely be a huge target next episode if he doesn't find another one as he's now a proven idol hound. Joe is pretty much this team's only hope right now, too, so Cuppa is in a precarious position. Right on the edge of a coffee table, one might say. 
  4. Two Laurens: Lauren didn't like the way the vote went, but she stuck with her alliance and didn't make a big fuss about it. Which means she's much cannier than most of the players this season. Unfortunately she's unlikely to win a lot of challenges, and a subtle game like hers often doesn't play out well at final tribal. So this team is largely going to be dependent on Ben, who came off a bit hotheaded in this episode, and JP to earn them points.
  5. Candlesticks: We're down to three players and really need to see a beast like Chrissy, Joe, or Ben get knocked out soon if we're going to have a chance. With all eyes on Cole right now, this could be an embarrassing season for the current reigning champs. But you never know, these hustlers might make some kind of a comeback....
  6. Surf Chicks: Things are going from bad to worse for Bag. I suppose he can take comfort in the familiarity of that feeling. Even if Devon or (more likely) Mike won the whole season they have pretty much no chance of winning since another team with more players will also have that player. So Bag needs to bank on 2 guys who have never spoken to each other making an unlikely & unbreakable alliance & finish top 2. glgl. 

Douche of the Week:

Joe for the idol play and general behavior at tribal council. 

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Episode 6

Ben found out that there's an article that documents how bored Probst is by this season. Proof!

This may be a season where I just have to hate everybody on my team. Ryan's response to Ali's anger was to just drop her from his alliance altogether. What about saying sorry & trying to repair things? Basic rule of Survivor is that it's better to have allies and not enemies. I think Ryan may have thin skin and he couldn't handle somebody being mad at him.

Next, Cole's tribe finds new reasons to hate him. Actually the same reasons, just expanding them a little bit. Then we dive right into a standard Survivor reward challenge. If they don't do something new Probst might just walk off the set.

Somewhere in this challenge the lead is lost because someone is bad at knots. Or I guess noticing knots. If nothing else, there are two things you must practice before going on Survivor: 1) making a fire, and 2) untying knots. There's always a knot! Also you might want to get better at swimming. 


JP then admitted to missing my last blog post that focused on hubris by claiming that he is indispensable to his tribe. Shame! Shame!

We get a glimpse of Blue tribe discussing their options & it appears that Desi is already working on the paperwork for her divorce from Joe. But +5 to Joe for finding another Idol. He's looking more and more like the second coming of Tony every episode. Also there's an article out there that includes an opinion on why producers should be more creative when hiding idols. Because this laziness basically ensures that Cuppa Joe gets mad points even though Joe had to recruit Stupid Cole to help him figure out the clue in the first place!

Speaking of Stupid Cole, the next thing we know he's passed out in the sand & looks like his almost got his beautiful face bashed in by bamboo. And what would he have going for him at that point?  Thank goodness there's a doctor on hand to provide first aid... even though he's a urologist.

The return of the Jessica-Cole Love Fest does not impress Lauren in any way. Mike and Ben and will likely turn against this Not-So-Power-Couple.

Ben brings up an all-important point number three that you should fatten up before going on Survivor. How do you really rank points number 1 through 3? Probably 1) make fire, 2) get fat, 3) untie knots. 

And then we're on to the immunity challenge, where the biggest challenge might end up being knowing how to spell immunity. This feels like it should be doable, but I don't think we should overestimate this season.

Communication is a huge problem on this challenge. Red has a great strategy where the person coming and going with a block doesn't play a role in balancing the stack at all. I am not being sarcastic when I am when I say that I am seriously blown away by Red's performance in this challenge.

This is a seriously close challenge but Red again is so impressive that they dropped their entire word and came back to win it while everybody else only had basically one letter left.

Yellow goes back to camp and starts strategizing I really wish that Ali would see through Ryan bullshit of extending an olive branch. Allie should think through why Ryan is being nice to her and then make a play against him. Maybe there aren't enough other players out there for her to be able to make any other move. Or maybe she's not as smart as I thought she was. Maybe there's no one to root for this season. Le sigh.

The overconfidence of the players this season seriously pisses me off. They couldn't hold a candle to the legends of Survivor and yet they talk like they are among the best.

Ali is going home and another early favorite in my power rankings is out the door. I think this was the right decision because JP really does not have a strategy and is clearly not going to win this season. In Ali's exit interview she says that Chrissy is the favorite to win the game. I think she's right. Chrissy may not be super likable but she does seem to actually have some strategy.

The Teams:
Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 78 points
  • Ryan (3 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Joe (24 pts)
  • Joe (24 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 46 points
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Desi (9 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 50 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 48 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Desi (9 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 43 points
  • Ryan (3 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Jessica (16 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 43 points
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (16 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

Player Rankings:

Ask and ye shall receive!
  1. Chrissy
  2. Ben
  3. Ryan
  4. Ashley
  5. Devon
  6. Desi
  7. Mike
  8. Lauren
  9. Jessica
  10. JP
  11. Joe
  12. Cole


Power Rankings:
  1. Cowboys: They took a hit this week, but they're still going strong. They just need Chrissy to stop targeting their own team.
  2. Scrub Island: Scrub Island dodged a bullet with half their team going to tribal for a 2nd week in a row. But they came through okay & could cruise for a little while post-merge. With JP & Desi they have a good chance to win some challenge points too. 
  3. Two Laurens: I don't know why, but I'm a little worried about how Lauren will do post-merge. I think they could do well otherwise.
  4. Candlesticks: This episode went about as well as possible for our team. Cole survives another day and post-merge I think he'll start being an asset to bring with you in the game since you know no one will vote for him at final tribal. Hopefully Devon can re-bromance with Ryan and get back in this game too.
  5. Cuppa: Why does everyone on the show think Joe is so good at this game? If he was actually good at Survivor he wouldn't constantly be the subject of their conversation. But he is an idol hound, so he now has yet another chance to correctly play the idol, save himself, and earn Cuppa mad points. Hopefully Chrissy will take him out..
  6. Surf Chicks: And back down the power rankings they go. With only 3 ponies making it to the merge & already being behind in the points, it'll be tough for this team to win. 

Douche of the Week:

Cole for being a pig around camp. No wait, that was last week. Now it's Cole for being a greedy pig around food.