Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Finale

Image result for survivor probstProbst does his usual “get excited for the reunion” bullshit and then they dive into introductions of the remaining players. Dr. Mike and Ben seem to get realistic introductions but then they get to Devon & Ryan. Devon is portrayed as a game-long mastermind and Ryan as a social genius. Hmmm, that feels off the mark to me.

Why does Stupid Alliance keep telling themselves that there’s no way Ben can find another idol? Or that there won’t be another idol out there? All evidence to the contrary. Just another indicator of why this is a weak season.

Mad props to Ben for searching for an idol literally all night. That dude is committed. I’m happy that all the hard work was rewarded with a pre-dawn idol find. And it totally serves the others right too.

The challenge is both for immunity & reward, and the “puzzle” feels like something everyone should be good at, but I guess we’ll see. Ultimately Chrissy wins. Again. And earns a whopping 10 points for the combo immunity/reward. Then Ryan is laughably referred to as Ben’s babysitter and it’s basically the same as calling that goat from Jurassic Park the T-Rex’s babysitter.

To be fair, Chrissy’s old super idol is way better looking than Ben’s legit idol. But it couldn’t be more apparent that they were faking it EVEN if he hadn’t already found the idol! I mean really, if they are all saying that they are 100% gunning for him then why on earth would they flash that shit around in front of him? Ben would have figured that out if he'd needed to. 

Tribal council is another perfectly played moment for Ben, giving Stupid Alliance no reason to feel the impulse to use their brains. And then the jury has a field day right alongside him when he pulls out his boot idol.

Smarty Pants Devon gets props for voting for Dr. Mike and it pays off huge with a big save and also a nice resume-building moment. Dr. Mike, you will not be missed.

Now, for the first time ever if they claim that Ben can’t find an idol it will actually be true. Instead we have to listen to Ryan talk about his game was being ruined by Ben. Dude, you have NO game. That’s not Ben’s fault.

Secret advantage has to be something to do with the jury, right?

Immunity challenge is on! Ben is one upside-down letter away from winning, but he chokes, and what follows is a hilarious montage of letters falling off of everyone’s boards. Chrissy wins. Again.

And the secret advantage turns out not be an advantage at all! It’s basically the producers doing whatever they can to get Ben into the Final Three. Cheap shot & it makes me hates this season even more.

Devon weirdly is excited to suddenly be at risk of going home. Kudos to him for the positive attitude. I guess it can be seen as another resume boost, and if he’s well-spoken I’d be hard pressed not to vote for him at final. But man I’d be pissed at Ryan if I was him because that dude is so incompetent. He does not deserve to be in the Final Three and I’d be furious that he was just given a free ride to get there.

Final Tribal starts off with a congrats to Chrissy on her immunity challenge prowess. You may be one cocky beotch & aren’t nearly as smart as you think you are, but damn if you aren’t a challenge beast.

And now we’re on to the “you gotta earn it” fire challenge. Everyone’s thrilled over there in Fiji, but I’m just steaming on the couch here. Probst looks like he’s commentating in a semi-comatose state, almost as if the outcome is already known. Rigged? Hard to believe that Devon didn’t even have a spark going by the time Ben won…. And seriously, I’d expect Probst to have been way more excited about a tribal council fire challenge.

At Final Tribal, the jury is having a solid conversation about who did what and what makes a person deserving of winning Survivor. Along the way Blog Crush #1 gives some reaffirming statements to everyone while looking like a movie star on a red carpet. And then Blog Crush #2 says “umm, okay, can we move on?” and then probably throws a softball 100 yards into a trash can. I love you both so much!

New jury format is a really successful change to the show. Remember when each jury member was just allowed to ask one question, rather than have a solid debate? Chrissy is working it, and somehow Ben is fading into the shadows. Joe actually calls him out on that, which is awesome sauce. Joe = jury MVP, and may have turned the tide Ben's way.

Ben wins in the end & while I think he's a deserving winner, it feels really cheap. I like the guy, don’t get me wrong, but his game should have had him voted out 4th. There’s even a section in Wikipedia about that stupid fire challenge.

Next season is Survivor: Ghost Island. According to this page, “Season 36, officially called Survivor: Ghost Island, premiering Feb. 28 on CBS, features 20 new castaways forced to confront old mistakes from seasons past.” New castaways are never as good as all-star seasons, but I will admit that my curiosity is piqued by the theme.




The Teams:

Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 228 points
  • Ben (84 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (76 pts)
  • Desi (25 pts)
  • Ashley (41 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 189 points
  • Ben (84 pts)
  • Lauren (39 pts)
  • JP (26 pts)
  • Lauren (39 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 185 points
  • Ryan (31 pts)
  • Cole (37 pts)
  • Joe (38 pts)
  • Joe (38 pts)
  • Ashley (41 pts)

Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 166 points
  • Mike (37 pts)
  • Chrissy (76 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (26 pts)
  • Desi (25 pts)

Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 115 points
  • Ryan (31 pts)
  • Cole (37 pts)
  • Devon (30 pts)
  • Jessica (15 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)

Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 85 points
  • Devon (30 pts)
  • Mike (37 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (15 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

To the Victors Go the Spoils

And this time around that comes in the form of a new trophy! Congrats to Doug & Bri for crushing it all season long with their picks. A well deserved win for the Cowboys, and a solid showing from our n00bs to the pool. If you hadn't each essentially doubled Bag's score, we would have scorned you. 

A note: I didn't include DoW points in this season because 1) I'm lazy, and 2) it woud'nt have mattered anyway. Joe probably would have won it, which would have bumped Cuppa into 2nd place, but no one really cares about that. 


Other Thoughts

survivor probst colby
Weak season overall imo, but I'm not sure if that's entirely the castaways' faults. I think there may have been some really bad editing/producing decisions made. It seems like there was a lot more scheming that went on than was shown on screen. Maybe I just wasn't picking up on it, but it felt like they spent more time on trivial romances & jokes about urologists than on the players' strategies. I also need more enthusiasm from Probst in any given season. Hopefully he'll get pumped up for next season's theme. After all, he donated all of his snuffers for it. If not, Probst, I think it might be time to move on? I feel terrible for even suggesting it, but an enthusiastic Colby as host would have made this a totally different experience for me. 
Next Season

Share your thoughts on next season! Also I'm going to be out of the country starting in mid-March, so maybe we draft after just 1 episode? 

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Episodes 12 & 13

Note: I think maybe Episode 11 was the 2nd half of episode 10? Otherwise my tracking is somehow off....

Episode 12

Ryan and Chrissy realize that Ben betrayed them and Chrissy loses her shit again. There's definitely a pot/kettle scenario between Ben & Chrissy where they both deride the other for taking things too personally. Meanwhile, Lauren is as cool as a cucumber with her moves, though maybe a little too comfortable with her position.

The new Survivor reward challenge includes loved ones, which means Probst gets to do what he loves most: talk about love, trust, and relationships. Lauren’s sister hugs Probst and #Blindside. Then Chrissy talks about giving up her job & devoting her life to her family and I’m wondering if anyone wants to take a bet on that actually happening?

The reward challenge itself is based entirely on luck if not completed rigged and I got to say that this is a bunch of BS. Chrissy is super predictable in her vindictive selection of loved ones sharing the reward. “Like an assassin” Probst quips as she disses half the castaways. Assassin? Really?

As I’m updating the scores I realize that Eric is in the spreadsheet too. Perhaps eagerly awaiting score updates? Sorry Eric, I’m still an episode behind! But keep on creepin' on, I'll get there eventually.

Meanwhile back at camp Ben is making a fake idol. YES!! I so love it when I get to use our fake idol rules! Lauren aka Blog Crush #2 is playing a professional game, and finds an immunity clue. Love that she called her alliance over when she found the marker. No need to lose trust at this time by trying to grab it before they notice. 

The immunity challenge is the iron cross and Ryan’s boogie to keep his plates up is anti-sexy. Devon’s hula is more attractive, but his decision to lose the challenge is a frustrating swing for the teams already in last place. Can’t you give us even a little hope, Devon?

While Lauren, Devon, and Ashley consider Ben v. Chrissy, Ben tries to make a move by turning folks against Lauren. Chrissy’s immaturity opens the door for Dr. Mike to make a big move and he chooses to... burn half of Lauren’s idol. Huh? How can that ever possibly make sense, especially considering that Dr. Mike essentially has no alliance?

The whole “let’s put everything on the table” infosplosion that happens during this tribal really helps no one. But it makes more sense to me than Lauren handing half an idol to Dr. Mike. I really don’t understand that. When is that ever a good move? This whole storyline of her handing him half an idol so casually that there wasn't even a conversation included with the hand-off, followed by Dr. Mike burning it just straight-up boggles my mind. Anyone want to fill me in on what they think happened here? Is Dr. Mike just straight up pooky dooks? Note: this link may make no sense, but I couldn't find the right one, and at least this was at least from the right movie.

In the end, everyone votes for Ben and he plays the one idol no one actually knew about. Play on, playa. Gnight Lauren, and Blog Crush #2 gets to join Blog Crush #1 among the mass of men’s tank tops that seem to be infecting the jury.

Note: not really sure how to award/dock points for Dr. Mike burning the idol. Lauren got sent home with half an idol in her pocket, but since that’s pretty much useless, I didn’t dock her points.


Episode 13

The episode starts with Ben acting high off his fabulous play at last tribal. He does a pretty good job of coming back to reality and realizing he doesn’t have any alliance to protect him now. They are all-in on the Ben hate train, including Devon making bold claims that he can take Ben down in challenges, which is clearly not backed-up by his poor score in this fantasy pool.

The reward challenge includes 2 strong teams, and then Ryan & Mike who are playing on the JV team. Devon & Chrissy end up winning, but I gotta question the ring toss technique. It was like watching a child at a bowling alley, Devon. 

And speaking of children, Ashley & Dr. Mike both bitch and whine at camp and generally act like sulky brats. Still, neither one is willing to work with Ben, and that’s a tough spot. Being stuck at camp with a couple of babies and not even being able to play the game while there? Not a fun day. Meanwhile, Devon considers a new alliance at a gorgeous resort hotel. #Jealous.  

The immunity challenge results in Chrissy winning. Apparently she’s the only one who can do puzzles.

At tribal I feel like everyone is just being petty. Thank goodness Devon calls out Ben on maybe not playing the idol because that was gonna really bug me. Nice rebuttal from Ben when he insta-plays it. Ashley ends up going home as someone who is clearly the bigger threat compared to Dr. Mike or Ryan. And in keeping with the theme of the episode, she acts like a giant baby on the way out.

This takes me back a few episodes to the moment when Ashley first thinks they should vote out Ben. And they never really explained why that alliance wussed out on that one, because that truly was the moment that they should have gone for it. That was Ashley's chance to determine her own fate & it just didn’t work out. I just wish I knew why. She was a solid player late in the game, and I think the finale will be less exciting with her not there. 

And now there are 5 castaways left and really only one question left – how could Ryan have possibly made it to the final 5 and only earned 6 points!??! I have never seen such a pathetic performance in Survivor history!! Devon is only barely doing better at 12 points. Seriously, this is a weak point-earning field outside of Chrissy’s puzzle prowess and Ben’s idol-hunting instincts.

What can we expect next week? Well, there's a good chance that Ben will be underestimated again & he'll find an idol. Again. Everyone will want to take Ryan & Dr. Mike to the Final 3 unless they're stupid. Those guys have no chance of winning and are huge disappointments. The bring down the good name of geeky but good-hearted contestants a la Cochran & David. Chrissy is going to be unbearably cocky since she's been gunning for Ashley and probably will somehow take the credit for what happened at last tribal. And Devon will think he's all that + a bag of chips, but I certainly wouldn't vote for him over Ben & I'm not sure these guys can take him out.  Should be fun!!

The Teams:


Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 160 points
  • Ryan (6 pts)
  • Cole (37 pts)
  • Joe (38 pts)
  • Joe (38 pts)
  • Ashley (41 pts)

Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 149 points
  • Ben (44 pts)
  • Lauren (39 pts)
  • JP (26 pts)
  • Lauren (39 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 142 points
  • Ben (44 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (30 pts)
  • Desi (25 pts)
  • Ashley (41 pts)

Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 103 points
  • Mike (20 pts)
  • Chrissy (30 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (26 pts)
  • Desi (25 pts)

Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 72 points
  • Ryan (6 pts)
  • Cole (37 pts)
  • Devon (12 pts)
  • Jessica (15 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)


Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 50points
  • Devon (12 pts)
  • Mike (20 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (15 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

Power Rankings:

  1. Cowboys: this one is Doug & Bri's to lose. I just don't see how it could happen unless Ryan turns out to be a brilliant orator and sweeps the vote at final tribal. Unlikely.
  2. Cuppa: I mean I guess it could happen....? At least this time has any chance to win, unlike Candlesticks, Chick hicks & 2 Laurens who literally can't beat them.
  3. Scrub Island: a Dr. Mike vote sweep would also do the trick I think...
  4. 2 Laurens: Good run Eric, a solid performance from both the n00b teams, both in competing in the pool as well as in comments & commitment. I don't know that I loved having each castaway get drafted twice, but I did like the new blood that got added this season.
  5. Candlesticks: Such a disappointing season for the reigning champs. With 2 players left this late in the game we should still be in competition. But this group of under-performers proves that there's more to the pool than picking castaways that will go deep in the game. They actually have to do stuff too. And that stuff can't be eating the entire tribe's food, damnit Cole!
  6. Chick Hicks: Fortunately Bag is here to save us from making the next addition to the trophy. Bag, do not mess this up. 



DoW:

Chrissy for me on both episodes. So infuriating, especially when she tells her own alliance that she might just change her vote at the last minute at tribal council & seems to assume they'll be okay with that. What is wrong with you woman!?

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Episodes 9 & 10

Well Bob, it’s mid-season Survivor and predictably it’s the mid-season slump for the Survivor Blog. 

Bob, you couldn’t be more right. The Survivor Blog slump is as surprising as getting turkey on Thanksgiving dinner.

We're not even getting a post for Episode 8 because we're so far behind; we're moving right along to Episodes 9 & 10. It’s disappointing to see such potential go to waste, but we’ll keep our fingers crossed for a strong comeback late season. 

Bob, I think the explanation for the blog drought is easily explained. It’s the holiday season, the Candlestick Makers are pretty much done for the season, and a good chunk of their players are gone. And then Desi, their Blog Crush, gets the boot? I’m surprised they showed up at all.

I couldn’t have said it better myself, Bob. And with that kind of insight, let’s return to the action.

Well Bob, Episode 9 includes a reward challenge that proves Joe has some moves on the basketball court. While Cole continues to show his prowess around a dinner table, and Ryan shows his true colors as a chatty Cathy.

Lauren wins immunity, and we might just be seeing a new Blog Crush developing.

Cole’s record of losing almost no challenges seems to be the theme of this episode. Also, maybe it’s the long absence from watching this show, but do all the contestants suddenly look totally emaciated?

Bob, you couldn’t be more right if you tried. But your yabbering has distracted me from my play-by-play. Damnit Bob!

Well Bob, you didn’t miss much because the scheming on this season is as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, am I right?

Long pause.

Moving on, Ben is starting to be identified as a dictator and mention of the Round Table is starting to get old. Tribal Council begins and Devon’s jaw literally drops as he realizes how freaking hot Desi is as she enters as the first jury member.

Bob, I couldn’t be more sick of mentions of the Round Table. Comparisons between an age of chivalry and the game of Survivor are about as misguided as Ben Greenberg trying to navigate his way to Thornton without Google Maps.

Episode 9 includes Dr. Mike waxing poetic about building a society and he also needlessly plays an immunity idol for himself. Cole is gone, which reminds me that we need to let everyone know that there was a major point change when we realized that Cole’s Crush did NOT make the jury and caused a major point swing from the last time this blog was published.

And now on to Episode 10…

Thanks, Bob. Episode 10 starts with the vilification of Dr. Mike, and a foot-fetishist’s dream reward challenge. The castaways play footsie with a rope while we cringe at imagined foot cramps and then Lauren takes the prize (+4). She then invites Devon (+1) and Ben (+1) and Ashley (+1) along for the ride.

Good Lord, is this a 2 hour episode??

Yes Bob, that’s right. Did you only just realize that? Not too bright, are you?

Fuck you Bob.

Anyway… Ryan is deliriously claiming that he and Chrissy are better strategists than everyone else because they are gaming 2 people ahead of the Top 7. Meanwhile, Lauren is using the reward challenge to build a strong Final 4 and probably picking up on the blog's subtle Friends reference as well. Clearly the New Blog Crush is, well, crushing it.

Hold the phone, people! Ben just found an idol!!

Meh. I think he was more excited about that Outback ribeye.

Bob, is it just me or are they overdoing these endurance immunity challenges?

Right you are Kenny… I mean Bob. Watching these castaways torture their bodies in various ways is just not that entertaining in my book.

Also the chocolate that’s meant to lure them away from the challenge looks pretty cheap and unappealing.

Devon, Ben, and Lauren opt out the challenge (-1 each) and I can’t help but think that Joe and Mike might resent that they can’t sit out this challenge but are expected to join the lazy asses that did in a newfound alliance. Ashley ends up winning and Ryan misses the obvious sign that a new alliance has formed when he bitches about the folks who chose to sit out the challenge.

Well, Bob, I’m enjoying watching Devon making some moves here, but I’m also vomiting into the trash can next to me as these fucking King Arthur analogies continue.

It’s a fun strategy that they’re concocting… but let’s pause for a moment to watch that beautiful jury walk into tribal council…mmmm….

As attractive as that jury is, Bob, I’m surprised that they can stand the odor of smugness emanating from the remaining castaways. It’s fun though to watch them out-smug each other without realizing what that smugness means.

Bananas!! Bob, what is this super-smug alliance thinking? Why on earth would you vote out JP before Ryan with his idol??

You got me there, Bob. When they dropped JP’s name earlier in this episode, I thought they were joking!

Totally worth it though, since Chrissy’s completely tactless response to the blindside was pretty priceless.

And we do need to give credit to Ben for working his Secret Spy role. At least for now. That’ll probably last only a little while.

Moving on, it’s another reward challenge, 4 v 4 and showers are on the table.

Bob, if I were on Survivor, this would be the challenge I’d go all out for. Getting a shower, and feeling like a real human being again, is a reward that I think is often underrated.

The Blue Team has a clear strength advantage in the reward challenge, but big shout-out to Lauren for best use of boobs in a challenge in Survivor history.

Bob, I honestly love watching Spy Ben. He’s crazy good at this!!

So true, Bob. So true. Watching Spy Ben is a enjoyable as watching Chrissy & Ryan scramble is detestable.

I couldn’t have said it better myself, Bob.

And now we’re on to the immunity challenge, and Bob I’m just tickled that they are all pushing wheelbarrows around an obstacle course!

You said it, Bob. It’s a crew of starving gardeners out there.

In the end it’s Chrissy who’s best at the word puzzle and it’s looking like Ryan’s fate is sealed here.

But wait, Bob, now they are throwing Joe’s name out there!

Seems to me like Devon is overplaying this one, Bob.

Hate to disagree with you, Bob, but it feels more like they are all finally playing the game. There’s levels of scheming happening now that we’ve been waiting for all season long.  Seems like the smart players maybe were doing exactly what they should have early, which was lay low. And now they’ve cut the chaff and are really getting into it.

Hold it right there, Bob, because that gorgeous jury is on screen again!

Do you think that Desi is bored to tears being stuck with JP and Cole?

She’s probably tuning out whenever either of them speak and imagining whatever beautiful man she has waiting for her back home.

Let’s get back to the castaways that are actually still in the game, Bob. It would have been nice to imagine that Devon set Ben up as the Spy with the intention of back-stabbing him in the first place. But it appears that never crossed his mind. Kudos to Ashley for seeing it.

Yeah. It if was me and someone suggested I play the Spy I would decline that offer immediately. That inevitably ends badly. You either do a crappy job and ruin everyone’s scheme. Or you do a great job and suddenly your own alliance doesn’t trust you.

Ultimately it looks like Ashley’s bold plan was too bold for her alliance and Ben lives to see another day.

That’s right, Bob, and now the stage is set with some real heavy hitters left in the game.

Do you have any favorites?

Well, it would look foolish to make any claims now when everyone else reading this has probably seen the next episode.

Right you are buddy. Right you are.



The Teams:

  • Two Cups of Joe (MoonBee): 136 points
  • Two Laurens Don't Make a Right (Eric & Andi): 92 points
  • Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark (Phil & Kelly): 90 points
  • Cowboys and Estrogen (Doug & Bri): 89 points
  • The Candlestick Makers (Michal & Ben): 68 points
  • Surfing with Chick Hicks (Bagdrea): 47 points



Power Rankings:

  1. Cowboys
  2. Laurens
  3. 2 Cuppa
  4. Scrub Island
  5. Candlesticks
  6. Surfing


DoW:

I got nothing. Totally overwhelmed by too much Survivor. But feel free to submit your picks & include the episode you want them to count for!



Thursday, November 9, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Ep 7



  1. The merge is here! The merge is here!

  2. Chrissy is being cocky again right from the start of this episode. She's almost literally crowing about how awesome she is. I'm really starting to dislike her in spite of her strong strategic game.

  3. Somehow the tribe without Cole is the one that has no food? How did that happen?

  4. The merge party is hosted by Outback Steakhouse. Probst in-episode commercial for Outback was so painful that I could almost see the tears leaking out of his eyes. Yes, Probst, it has come to this. This is your worst season ever and may be a living nightmare for you too.

  5. Ben's celebration of a bone-in ribeye was crazy over-the-top. You may love ribeyes, cowboy, but there's not denying that this still came from Outback. On the other hand, if my Ben were the one cooking your bone-in ribeye, then yes, that was the appropriate level of celebration.

  6. Awesomely, Chrissy hates Joe after just two minutes of interacting with him. I don't really care which of them goes home. Either way would be a huge bonus for the Candlestick makers.

  7. Devon & Ben both claim that Cole is one of the biggest threats in the game. Huh??? Do they know anything about Cole?

  8. Dr. Mike is coming off as the anti-DoW of the week, providing interesting insight during his talking head moments, working through the strategy, trying to bolster his relationships & maintain alliances.

  9. Next it's the immunity challenge where Ryan insta-earns -1 for being first out of the challenge. Then Probst mocks him for 45 minutes, or 1100x as long as Ryan was in the challenge.

  10. Dr. Mike drops out of the challenge due to rule #1: no talking while gaming!

  11. Desi ends up winning the challenge (+6), proving once again that she is the baddest ass on this season. Okay, there's no sign of her being a big strategist, but maybe she decided that she needs to lay low on that end since she's so awesome at everything else.

  12. Back at camp, Chrissy suddenly becomes a target because they all realize that she's good at math. Cuz... Math. This is the second week in a row that her name is being tossed around & I think that should be concerning for Scrub Island and Cowboys. Being considered a major target this early in the season is pretty worrisome for someone who's unlikely to find idols or win challenges.

  13. At tribal council, Joe rambles on both aimlessly & aggressively while almost certainly singing the Killers' 'The Man' in his head. Then he whips out his idol & I have no idea why. And THEN he plays it for himself which seriously makes no sense!!

    Here's the thing: there has not been a season where somebody pulls out an idol, flashes it about and then everybody votes for that person anyway. So why on earth does Joe think that that is actually going to happen this time around? Yes, that would be extremely badass for an alliance to do. But you maybe shouldn't risk such a precious commodity on something that's has less than 1% chance of happening.

  14. In the end it's Jessica who goes home (+10 for making the jury). Joe nets -5 points for incorrectly playing an idol, and Cole is now without an alliance, friends, and lifelines. 


The Teams:
Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 67 points
  • Ryan (2 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Joe (19 pts)
  • Joe (19 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 54 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Desi (15 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 53 points
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (26 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 52 points
  • Ryan (3 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Jessica (26 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 52 points
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Desi (15 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 50 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

Player Rankings:
  1. Mike
  2. Lauren
  3. Desi
  4. Ben
  5. Chrissy
  6. Ryan
  7. Devon
  8. Ashley
  9. Joe
  10. JP
  11. Cole


Power Rankings:
  1. Cowboys: With three original heroes on their team, the Cowboys have to love how this vote came out. The past couple seasons have a precedent though of the vote swinging back & forth between two majors alliances at this point in the season, so they shouldn't get too comfortable though. I could see some kind of short-lived coup coming up that takes out Chrissy or Ashley before the Heroes regain control. Still, they're sitting pretty with 4 still in the game post-merge.
  2. Scrub Island: Scrub Island may not have a lot of muscle to it, but Desi is proving to be an asset and Mike & Chrissy have to be two of the best strategists in the game. This team is looking strong, though they'll need JP to pull some weight to help with winning some challenges along the way.
  3. Cuppa: Cuppa took a hit this episode with a completely pointless idol play. Not only did Joe have no sound logic for playing the idol, he will likely be a huge target next episode if he doesn't find another one as he's now a proven idol hound. Joe is pretty much this team's only hope right now, too, so Cuppa is in a precarious position. Right on the edge of a coffee table, one might say. 
  4. Two Laurens: Lauren didn't like the way the vote went, but she stuck with her alliance and didn't make a big fuss about it. Which means she's much cannier than most of the players this season. Unfortunately she's unlikely to win a lot of challenges, and a subtle game like hers often doesn't play out well at final tribal. So this team is largely going to be dependent on Ben, who came off a bit hotheaded in this episode, and JP to earn them points.
  5. Candlesticks: We're down to three players and really need to see a beast like Chrissy, Joe, or Ben get knocked out soon if we're going to have a chance. With all eyes on Cole right now, this could be an embarrassing season for the current reigning champs. But you never know, these hustlers might make some kind of a comeback....
  6. Surf Chicks: Things are going from bad to worse for Bag. I suppose he can take comfort in the familiarity of that feeling. Even if Devon or (more likely) Mike won the whole season they have pretty much no chance of winning since another team with more players will also have that player. So Bag needs to bank on 2 guys who have never spoken to each other making an unlikely & unbreakable alliance & finish top 2. glgl. 

Douche of the Week:

Joe for the idol play and general behavior at tribal council. 

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Episode 6

Ben found out that there's an article that documents how bored Probst is by this season. Proof!

This may be a season where I just have to hate everybody on my team. Ryan's response to Ali's anger was to just drop her from his alliance altogether. What about saying sorry & trying to repair things? Basic rule of Survivor is that it's better to have allies and not enemies. I think Ryan may have thin skin and he couldn't handle somebody being mad at him.

Next, Cole's tribe finds new reasons to hate him. Actually the same reasons, just expanding them a little bit. Then we dive right into a standard Survivor reward challenge. If they don't do something new Probst might just walk off the set.

Somewhere in this challenge the lead is lost because someone is bad at knots. Or I guess noticing knots. If nothing else, there are two things you must practice before going on Survivor: 1) making a fire, and 2) untying knots. There's always a knot! Also you might want to get better at swimming. 


JP then admitted to missing my last blog post that focused on hubris by claiming that he is indispensable to his tribe. Shame! Shame!

We get a glimpse of Blue tribe discussing their options & it appears that Desi is already working on the paperwork for her divorce from Joe. But +5 to Joe for finding another Idol. He's looking more and more like the second coming of Tony every episode. Also there's an article out there that includes an opinion on why producers should be more creative when hiding idols. Because this laziness basically ensures that Cuppa Joe gets mad points even though Joe had to recruit Stupid Cole to help him figure out the clue in the first place!

Speaking of Stupid Cole, the next thing we know he's passed out in the sand & looks like his almost got his beautiful face bashed in by bamboo. And what would he have going for him at that point?  Thank goodness there's a doctor on hand to provide first aid... even though he's a urologist.

The return of the Jessica-Cole Love Fest does not impress Lauren in any way. Mike and Ben and will likely turn against this Not-So-Power-Couple.

Ben brings up an all-important point number three that you should fatten up before going on Survivor. How do you really rank points number 1 through 3? Probably 1) make fire, 2) get fat, 3) untie knots. 

And then we're on to the immunity challenge, where the biggest challenge might end up being knowing how to spell immunity. This feels like it should be doable, but I don't think we should overestimate this season.

Communication is a huge problem on this challenge. Red has a great strategy where the person coming and going with a block doesn't play a role in balancing the stack at all. I am not being sarcastic when I am when I say that I am seriously blown away by Red's performance in this challenge.

This is a seriously close challenge but Red again is so impressive that they dropped their entire word and came back to win it while everybody else only had basically one letter left.

Yellow goes back to camp and starts strategizing I really wish that Ali would see through Ryan bullshit of extending an olive branch. Allie should think through why Ryan is being nice to her and then make a play against him. Maybe there aren't enough other players out there for her to be able to make any other move. Or maybe she's not as smart as I thought she was. Maybe there's no one to root for this season. Le sigh.

The overconfidence of the players this season seriously pisses me off. They couldn't hold a candle to the legends of Survivor and yet they talk like they are among the best.

Ali is going home and another early favorite in my power rankings is out the door. I think this was the right decision because JP really does not have a strategy and is clearly not going to win this season. In Ali's exit interview she says that Chrissy is the favorite to win the game. I think she's right. Chrissy may not be super likable but she does seem to actually have some strategy.

The Teams:
Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 78 points
  • Ryan (3 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Joe (24 pts)
  • Joe (24 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 46 points
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Desi (9 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 50 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • JP (9 pts)
  • Lauren (11 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 48 points
  • Ben (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (8 pts)
  • Desi (9 pts)
  • Ashley (11 pts)
Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 43 points
  • Ryan (3 pts)
  • Cole (16 pts)
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Jessica (16 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 43 points
  • Devon (6 pts)
  • Mike (18 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (16 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)

Player Rankings:

Ask and ye shall receive!
  1. Chrissy
  2. Ben
  3. Ryan
  4. Ashley
  5. Devon
  6. Desi
  7. Mike
  8. Lauren
  9. Jessica
  10. JP
  11. Joe
  12. Cole


Power Rankings:
  1. Cowboys: They took a hit this week, but they're still going strong. They just need Chrissy to stop targeting their own team.
  2. Scrub Island: Scrub Island dodged a bullet with half their team going to tribal for a 2nd week in a row. But they came through okay & could cruise for a little while post-merge. With JP & Desi they have a good chance to win some challenge points too. 
  3. Two Laurens: I don't know why, but I'm a little worried about how Lauren will do post-merge. I think they could do well otherwise.
  4. Candlesticks: This episode went about as well as possible for our team. Cole survives another day and post-merge I think he'll start being an asset to bring with you in the game since you know no one will vote for him at final tribal. Hopefully Devon can re-bromance with Ryan and get back in this game too.
  5. Cuppa: Why does everyone on the show think Joe is so good at this game? If he was actually good at Survivor he wouldn't constantly be the subject of their conversation. But he is an idol hound, so he now has yet another chance to correctly play the idol, save himself, and earn Cuppa mad points. Hopefully Chrissy will take him out..
  6. Surf Chicks: And back down the power rankings they go. With only 3 ponies making it to the merge & already being behind in the points, it'll be tough for this team to win. 

Douche of the Week:

Cole for being a pig around camp. No wait, that was last week. Now it's Cole for being a greedy pig around food.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Episode 5

Ugh, I can’t live update the scores because my computer isn’t getting internet and I left my phone at work. Boo.... And now it's days later and this post is going to look weirder than normal as a result. Sorry folks!

Joe “I swear I read your face” Douchebag is now claiming both genius status and huge poker playing potential. No one in this pool is buying it, and I’m not sure anyone in his camp is either. Except for Cole “I don’t know what I’m doing” Dumbass.

Ben’s PTSD brings out his softer side and it’s extremely moving to hear him talk about coming home after serving in the military. Thankfully I don’t know what it’s like to have people actively trying to kill me. But I do know what it’s like to live in the past, and I’d like to think that he might be able to talk about his woes to his tribemates someday.

Quick commercial break in which I learn that Uma Thurman is not only a good topic for a hit pop song, but is also now selling phones. Then we’re back to watch a worm-themed reward challenge for coffee. I used to be an exclusive tea drinker, but now I know I’d go full blast for that coffee.

-1 for Lauren & Chrissy for sitting out the challenge

Desi “I threw up in my mouth when you called me Joe’s husband” Crusher destroys the first leg of the challenge & there’s no stopping Blue after that. On the other hand, Ryan locks up LVP with his spot-on Sisyphus impression.

+2 pts for Blue for the win & +1 for Red for 2nd place.

Is anyone else excited for Murder on the Orient Express? I loved that book!!

Blue tribe revels in the glory of their win, and now I’m reflecting on the consensus opinion that my blog has become less analytical and more sarcastic. I like to think that I’m following Probst’s lead and I’ll start to revert to my old ways once this season proves itself worthy. There could be some potential here, but they have a lot of chaff to work through before we get to the quality strategy we’ve come to expect from this show.

Roark speaks!! But really awkwardly. Is it weird TV editing, or is that the way she always talks?

Chrissy & Ali are after each other. #ToldYaSo

Cole “Just Call Me WOAT” Feedbag is predictably pissing off Lauren, and as noted by Doug he’s dragging Jessica down with him. Fingers crossed she can get some distance from this train wreck in a nice-looking package. Then she goes on an idol hunt with Dr. Mike who finds it, begging the question, why didn’t Jessica also dig for the idol? Standing around drinking water doesn’t earn you an idol. It’s never truly “our idol” – it only ever belongs to one person.

+5 Dr Mike

Now it’s immunity challenge time and it’s

-1 to Ryan and Mike for sitting out

Desi is the female MVP of the challenge and I’m sad we didn’t draft her. Side note: she clearly did know about Joe’s idol last episode but needed to shame him into telling her so she could then propose that he use the idol for her. This means she’s hot, athletic, smart, and NOT married to Joe. Making her a prize catch.

+3 for Red & +2 for Blue

Chrissy is clearly the LVP on this challenge and the Yellow tribe is starting to look pretty sad after the Ryan & Chrissy double choke.

Roark is suddenly being pegged as a huge strategist. Who saw that coming? Was she ghostly only because this is her first tribal council? I love that she rips Chrissy for only talking to her on the day of tribal council. But also Roark might be enjoying owning Chrissy too much. Hubris is a bitch. Roark might be one too.

Chrissy is acting like she’s feeling the noose tightening around her neck. Her defensiveness doesn’t play well at least from an audience perspective.

Okay, so I just finished a long explanation of why it’s definitely Chrissy going home because if it was Roark then Ryan def would have filled in Ali on the plan and she wouldn’t have come down so hard on Chrissy at tribal if that were the case. But then Ryan proves me wrong & votes out Roark anyway. Bad move, imo. If Ryan’s tightest bonds are with Ali and Chrissy then he obv shouldn’t tell Chrissy if he’s going to vote for her. But since the other name on the chopping block is Roark and not Ali then he clearly SHOULD tell Ali if he’s switching his vote! He’s going to lose her trust and loyalty by not filling her in. And there’s no way she wouldn’t have switched over to his side if he had. She doesn’t have any other options. So Ryan just proved that he’s not as smart as he thinks he is. Or as smart as we all thought he was when he went top 2 in the draft. I guess that’s what we should expect from a bellhop?

Next episode: does the WOAT out-WOAT himself by getting medevacked?? C’mon Cole!!!


The Teams:
Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 56 points
  • Ryan (1 pts)
  • Cole (12 pts)
  • Joe (17 pts)
  • Joe (17 pts)
  • Ashley (9 pts)
Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 37 points
  • Mike (15 pts)
  • Chrissy (6 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
  • JP (7 pts)
  • Desi (7 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 38 points
  • Ben (14 pts)
  • Lauren (8 pts)
  • JP (7 pts)
  • Lauren (8 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 38 points
  • Ben (14pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (6 pts)
  • Desi (7 pts)
  • Ashley (9 pts)
Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 31 points
  • Ryan (1 pts)
  • Cole (12 pts)
  • Devon (4 pts)
  • Jessica (12 pts)
  • Roark (2 pts)
Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 34 points
  • Devon (4 pts)
  • Mike (15 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (12 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)


Power Rankings:
  1. Cowboys: I don't really see a weak point on this team. It's early, but I'm already worried.
  2. Surf Chicks: Does Bag have a good team this season? I think maybe so. I think a lot will depend on how Ali reacts to this last episode....
  3. Scrub Island: Mike got a big boost in my rankings after last episode, and Chrissy held up well under pressure. My new crush Desi is also on this team, so I'm suddenly liking Scrub Island. 
  4. Two Laurens: Lauren is settling in to a solid mid-level player. I'm not sold her yet, but I think she's proven to be less distasteful than some other players.
  5. Cuppa: Cuppa dropped in the rankings due to Ryan's misstep at the end there with Ali. This might be the dumbest team of the bunch, but there's still some potential here.
  6. Candlesticks: On the other hand, our team is dumb AND we don't have a lot of points. Uh oh...

Douche of the Week:

Cole for being a pig around camp.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Survivor 3H Club: Episode 4

Sweet, we kicked things off with a challenge. No dithering about talking about power couples this time. And speaking of power couples: Cole and Jessica stayed together. Ryan and Devon broke up. Ashley and JP got separated too. But Ryan is rebounding quickly with Chrissy. Their is Super Idol Sharing Love Fest is somewhat diminished by the fact that he actually picked her because she threw up at the end of the challenge on the first day. But I guess they just won't talk about that. Also it looks like Devon might pick up his own leading lady next episode. And by the end of this episode, I feel like Jessica wishes that she & Cole had been broken up too.
Ali, Chrissy & Ryan all on one tribe is a strategists' powerhouse. With Chrissy/Ryan already pairing up, I'd be surprised if they didn't target Ali the first chance they get. She's clearly their biggest threat, with JP & Roark probably just being along for the ride.

Probst keeps saying "Yawa" (or Waya?) and it's driving me nuts. Is there any reason that they still name the tribes? I mean nobody calls them anything beyond red and blue and yellow tribe, right? 
Despite being a brawny team, blue tribe just can't get it together at either challenge. The red tribe impresses with a couple back-to-back wins. The yellow tribe is a pretty scraggly bunch, so not finishing last in any sort of physical challenge is something they should be proud of.
For the record I called that there would be a secret advantage in the chip bags before that even happened. Ben can back me up on that. Jessica is totally blowing it at playing cool, but makes up for it a little bit by admitting that she knows she's doing so.

I like that they are doing this Secret-Advantage-but-only-for-one-episode twist. It's a nice change for this season. If that super idol had stuck around for an entire season, it would have drove me nuts. 
Next we get to watch Cole attempt to understand the basics of cause and effect. "I shared info with Jessica and got a kiss. If I share info with others I will receive love from them too." Dammit Cole!
Ben accurately points out that Lauren considers Cole sharing this info to be a sleazebag move and instantly doesn't trust it. Hilarious how that insta-backfired.
Cole's stupidity combined with an apparent need to be loved is going to drag down the Candlestick Makers and the Surfers. Ben thinks there's a chance that this hapless informant may be kept around because he keeps helping people out, but I'm worried they'll decide he's too much of a liability.
Now we're on to the immunity challenge and I'm desperately hoping the red tribe doesn't end up at tribal after the fiasco Cole has been this episode.

Probst once again proves that he does not give a shit about this season with some horrible commentary. Probst for DoW? The puzzle at the end reminded me of Sudoku, so I think I would have crushed it. I just got back into Sudoku recently & was averaging under 7 minutes at the "hard" level puzzles. "Evil" level is still kicking my butt though.
In the end the Red Tribe wins (phew!) and the blue tribe is heading back to tribal council. Again.

Joe and Desi are both savvy people. Joe may not be likable but at least he has a brain in that skull. Unlike Cole. Unfortunately Joe thinks he's smarter than he actually is, and he & Desi could have been totally screwed if not for Jessica's Secret Advantage and apparently Ashley's terrible poker face. Poor Devon thought he had some sort of Survivor Crush and now he looks like he got his heart broken!
Desi then gets burned by Probst when he refers to her as Joe's wife. Ouch, man. Ouch.

In the end Joe "saves the day" while still coming across as a giant douchebag, and Alan gets ousted. It was a graceful exit by Alan. He turned things around here at the end. I wish Alan had attempted a more subtle game from the start, he might have actually been a good player. But I guess we'll never know.

The Teams:
Moon & Melissa "The Bakerss" - 41 points
  • Ryan (2 pts)
  • Cole (8 pts)
  • Joe (13 pts)
  • Joe (13 pts)
  • Ashley (5 pts)
Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 29 points
  • Mike (7 pts)
  • Chrissy (7 pts)
  • Roark (5 pts)
  • JP (7 pts)
  • Desi (3 pts)
Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 28 points
  • Ben (10 pts)
  • Lauren (5 pts)
  • JP (7 pts)
  • Lauren (5 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)
Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 27 points
  • Ben (10 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Chrissy (7 pts)
  • Desi (3 pts)
  • Ashley (5 pts)
Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 23 points
  • Ryan (2 pts)
  • Cole (8 pts)
  • Devon (0 pts)
  • Jessica (8 pts)
  • Roark (5 pts)
Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 18 points

  • Devon (0 pts)
  • Mike (7 pts)
  • Ali (2 pts)
  • Jessica (8 pts)
  • Alan (1 pt)


Power Rankings:
  1. Cowboys: This team came out of the tribal mix-up with a few butterflies in their stomachs at first, but they are cruising now. Ali & Ashley could be at risk in the next couple episodes, but I also think they're smart enough to get out of a tight spot. This is still the team to be imo.
     
  2. Bakers: Joe maximized points for Moonbee this episode, but I think that's the most he's going to do. He's too aggressive and douchey (you know where I'm going next with that). Bakers also have the disappointing Cole to contend with, so they're really going to need Ashley and Ryan to pull through in the coming weeks.
  3. Candlesticks: Watching Cole play Survivor is like watching Ben's grandma try to use Skype. (#LuvYaBlue) There's a whole lot of effort being made and positive energy being put into the effort. But the end result is usually a bit of a disaster. Hopefully he doesn't drag Jessica down with him, because she seems like she could have some potential. Here's hoping Ryan is the schemer we pegged him for, and that Devon is an overachiever at challenges.
     
  4. Surf Chicks: Surf Chicks and Candlesticks are kind of the in the same boat. Jessica and Devon have potential, but they could get screwed by their circumstances (and/or alliances). Ali is solid though and Mike hasn't done anything to offend. They're down 1 player, so I'm ranking us slightly higher than them in the power rankings.
  5. Two Laurens: Don't get me wrong, I love Lauren. But I get the sense that she makes decisions more based on "who do I want to get rid of" and "who don't I want to work with" rather than trying to keep an open mind to potentially working with anyone. That could make her a trustworthy ally, but it's not going to win her Survivor. Ben definitely has potential, but JP is starting to pale into as ghostly a figure as Roark, and I'm thinking there's an early exit in his future.
  6.  Scrub Island: Scrub Island is earning decent points right now, and they really need to maximize that while they can. I just don't see them earning much post-merge. 

Douche of the Week:

Joe again for me. It feels like he knows about our DoW and is actively trying to take that title.