Survivor 3H Club: Episode 5

Ugh, I can’t live update the scores because my computer isn’t getting internet and I left my phone at work. Boo.... And now it's days later and this post is going to look weirder than normal as a result. Sorry folks!

Joe “I swear I read your face” Douchebag is now claiming both genius status and huge poker playing potential. No one in this pool is buying it, and I’m not sure anyone in his camp is either. Except for Cole “I don’t know what I’m doing” Dumbass.

Ben’s PTSD brings out his softer side and it’s extremely moving to hear him talk about coming home after serving in the military. Thankfully I don’t know what it’s like to have people actively trying to kill me. But I do know what it’s like to live in the past, and I’d like to think that he might be able to talk about his woes to his tribemates someday.

Quick commercial break in which I learn that Uma Thurman is not only a good topic for a hit pop song, but is also now selling phones. Then we’re back to watch a worm-themed reward challenge for coffee. I used to be an exclusive tea drinker, but now I know I’d go full blast for that coffee.

-1 for Lauren & Chrissy for sitting out the challenge

Desi “I threw up in my mouth when you called me Joe’s husband” Crusher destroys the first leg of the challenge & there’s no stopping Blue after that. On the other hand, Ryan locks up LVP with his spot-on Sisyphus impression.

+2 pts for Blue for the win & +1 for Red for 2^nd place.

Is anyone else excited for Murder on the Orient Express? I loved that book!!

Blue tribe revels in the glory of their win, and now I’m reflecting on the consensus opinion that my blog has become less analytical and more sarcastic. I like to think that I’m following Probst’s lead and I’ll start to revert to my old ways once this season proves itself worthy. There could be some potential here, but they have a lot of chaff to work through before we get to the quality strategy we’ve come to expect from this show.

Roark speaks!! But really awkwardly. Is it weird TV editing, or is that the way she always talks?

Chrissy & Ali are after each other. #ToldYaSo

Cole “Just Call Me WOAT” Feedbag is predictably pissing off Lauren, and as noted by Doug he’s dragging Jessica down with him. Fingers crossed she can get some distance from this train wreck in a nice-looking package. Then she goes on an idol hunt with Dr. Mike who finds it, begging the question, why didn’t Jessica also dig for the idol? Standing around drinking water doesn’t earn you an idol. It’s never truly “our idol” – it only ever belongs to one person.

+5 Dr Mike

Now it’s immunity challenge time and it’s

-1 to Ryan and Mike for sitting out

Desi is the female MVP of the challenge and I’m sad we didn’t draft her. Side note: she clearly did know about Joe’s idol last episode but needed to shame him into telling her so she could then propose that he use the idol for her. This means she’s hot, athletic, smart, and NOT married to Joe. Making her a prize catch.

+3 for Red & +2 for Blue

Chrissy is clearly the LVP on this challenge and the Yellow tribe is starting to look pretty sad after the Ryan & Chrissy double choke.

Roark is suddenly being pegged as a huge strategist. Who saw that coming? Was she ghostly only because this is her first tribal council? I love that she rips Chrissy for only talking to her on the day of tribal council. But also Roark might be enjoying owning Chrissy too much. Hubris is a bitch. Roark might be one too.

Chrissy is acting like she’s feeling the noose tightening around her neck. Her defensiveness doesn’t play well at least from an audience perspective.

Okay, so I just finished a long explanation of why it’s definitely Chrissy going home because if it was Roark then Ryan def would have filled in Ali on the plan and she wouldn’t have come down so hard on Chrissy at tribal if that were the case. But then Ryan proves me wrong & votes out Roark anyway. Bad move, imo. If Ryan’s tightest bonds are with Ali and Chrissy then he obv shouldn’t tell Chrissy if he’s going to vote for her. But since the other name on the chopping block is Roark and not Ali then he clearly SHOULD tell Ali if he’s switching his vote! He’s going to lose her trust and loyalty by not filling her in. And there’s no way she wouldn’t have switched over to his side if he had. She doesn’t have any other options. So Ryan just proved that he’s not as smart as he thinks he is. Or as smart as we all thought he was when he went top 2 in the draft. I guess that’s what we should expect from a bellhop?

Next episode: does the WOAT out-WOAT himself by getting medevacked?? C’mon Cole!!!

The Teams:

Moon & Melissa "2 Cups of Joe" - 56 points

• Ryan (1 pts)
• Cole (12 pts)
• Joe (17 pts)
• Joe (17 pts)
• Ashley (9 pts)

Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 37 points

• Mike (15 pts)
• Chrissy (6 pts)
• Roark (2 pts)
• JP (7 pts)
• Desi (7 pts)

Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 38 points

• Ben (14 pts)
• Lauren (8 pts)
• JP (7 pts)
• Lauren (8 pts)
• Alan (1 pt)

Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 38 points

• Ben (14pts)
• Ali (2 pts)
• Chrissy (6 pts)
• Desi (7 pts)
• Ashley (9 pts)

Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 31 points

• Ryan (1 pts)
• Cole (12 pts)
• Devon (4 pts)
• Jessica (12 pts)
• Roark (2 pts)

Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 34 points

• Devon (4 pts)
• Mike (15 pts)
• Ali (2 pts)
• Jessica (12 pts)
• Alan (1 pt)

Power Rankings:

1. Cowboys: I don't really see a weak point on this team. It's early, but I'm already worried.
2. Surf Chicks: Does Bag have a good team this season? I think maybe so. I think a lot will depend on how Ali reacts to this last episode....
3. Scrub Island: Mike got a big boost in my rankings after last episode, and Chrissy held up well under pressure. My new crush Desi is also on this team, so I'm suddenly liking Scrub Island. 
4. Two Laurens: Lauren is settling in to a solid mid-level player. I'm not sold her yet, but I think she's proven to be less distasteful than some other players.
5. Cuppa: Cuppa dropped in the rankings due to Ryan's misstep at the end there with Ali. This might be the dumbest team of the bunch, but there's still some potential here.
6. Candlesticks: On the other hand, our team is dumb AND we don't have a lot of points. Uh oh...

Douche of the Week:

Cole for being a pig around camp.

Survivor 3H Club: Episode 4

Sweet, we kicked things off with a challenge. No dithering about talking about power couples this time. And speaking of power couples: Cole and Jessica stayed together. Ryan and Devon broke up. Ashley and JP got separated too. But Ryan is rebounding quickly with Chrissy. Their is Super Idol Sharing Love Fest is somewhat diminished by the fact that he actually picked her because she threw up at the end of the challenge on the first day. But I guess they just won't talk about that. Also it looks like Devon might pick up his own leading lady next episode. And by the end of this episode, I feel like Jessica wishes that she & Cole had been broken up too.

Ali, Chrissy & Ryan all on one tribe is a strategists' powerhouse. With Chrissy/Ryan already pairing up, I'd be surprised if they didn't target Ali the first chance they get. She's clearly their biggest threat, with JP & Roark probably just being along for the ride.

Probst keeps saying "Yawa" (or Waya?) and it's driving me nuts. Is there any reason that they still name the tribes? I mean nobody calls them anything beyond red and blue and yellow tribe, right? 

Despite being a brawny team, blue tribe just can't get it together at either challenge. The red tribe impresses with a couple back-to-back wins. The yellow tribe is a pretty scraggly bunch, so not finishing last in any sort of physical challenge is something they should be proud of.

For the record I called that there would be a secret advantage in the chip bags before that even happened. Ben can back me up on that. Jessica is totally blowing it at playing cool, but makes up for it a little bit by admitting that she knows she's doing so.

I like that they are doing this Secret-Advantage-but-only-for-one-episode twist. It's a nice change for this season. If that super idol had stuck around for an entire season, it would have drove me nuts. 

Next we get to watch Cole attempt to understand the basics of cause and effect. "I shared info with Jessica and got a kiss. If I share info with others I will receive love from them too." Dammit Cole!

Ben accurately points out that Lauren considers Cole sharing this info to be a sleazebag move and instantly doesn't trust it. Hilarious how that insta-backfired.

Cole's stupidity combined with an apparent need to be loved is going to drag down the Candlestick Makers and the Surfers. Ben thinks there's a chance that this hapless informant may be kept around because he keeps helping people out, but I'm worried they'll decide he's too much of a liability.

Now we're on to the immunity challenge and I'm desperately hoping the red tribe doesn't end up at tribal after the fiasco Cole has been this episode.

Probst once again proves that he does not give a shit about this season with some horrible commentary. Probst for DoW? The puzzle at the end reminded me of Sudoku, so I think I would have crushed it. I just got back into Sudoku recently & was averaging under 7 minutes at the "hard" level puzzles. "Evil" level is still kicking my butt though.

In the end the Red Tribe wins (phew!) and the blue tribe is heading back to tribal council. Again.

Joe and Desi are both savvy people. Joe may not be likable but at least he has a brain in that skull. Unlike Cole. Unfortunately Joe thinks he's smarter than he actually is, and he & Desi could have been totally screwed if not for Jessica's Secret Advantage and apparently Ashley's terrible poker face. Poor Devon thought he had some sort of Survivor Crush and now he looks like he got his heart broken!

Desi then gets burned by Probst when he refers to her as Joe's wife. Ouch, man. Ouch.

In the end Joe "saves the day" while still coming across as a giant douchebag, and Alan gets ousted. It was a graceful exit by Alan. He turned things around here at the end. I wish Alan had attempted a more subtle game from the start, he might have actually been a good player. But I guess we'll never know.

The Teams:

Moon & Melissa "The Bakerss" - 41 points

• Ryan (2 pts)
• Cole (8 pts)
• Joe (13 pts)
• Joe (13 pts)
• Ashley (5 pts)

Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 29 points

• Mike (7 pts)
• Chrissy (7 pts)
• Roark (5 pts)
• JP (7 pts)
• Desi (3 pts)

Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 28 points

• Ben (10 pts)
• Lauren (5 pts)
• JP (7 pts)
• Lauren (5 pts)
• Alan (1 pt)

Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 27 points

• Ben (10 pts)
• Ali (2 pts)
• Chrissy (7 pts)
• Desi (3 pts)
• Ashley (5 pts)

Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 23 points

• Ryan (2 pts)
• Cole (8 pts)
• Devon (0 pts)
• Jessica (8 pts)
• Roark (5 pts)

Bagdrea "Surfing with Chick Hicks" - 18 points

• Devon (0 pts)
• Mike (7 pts)
• Ali (2 pts)
• Jessica (8 pts)
• Alan (1 pt)

Power Rankings:

1. Cowboys: This team came out of the tribal mix-up with a few butterflies in their stomachs at first, but they are cruising now. Ali & Ashley could be at risk in the next couple episodes, but I also think they're smart enough to get out of a tight spot. This is still the team to be imo.
    
2. Bakers: Joe maximized points for Moonbee this episode, but I think that's the most he's going to do. He's too aggressive and douchey (you know where I'm going next with that). Bakers also have the disappointing Cole to contend with, so they're really going to need Ashley and Ryan to pull through in the coming weeks.
3. Candlesticks: Watching Cole play Survivor is like watching Ben's grandma try to use Skype. (#LuvYaBlue) There's a whole lot of effort being made and positive energy being put into the effort. But the end result is usually a bit of a disaster. Hopefully he doesn't drag Jessica down with him, because she seems like she could have some potential. Here's hoping Ryan is the schemer we pegged him for, and that Devon is an overachiever at challenges.
    
4. Surf Chicks: Surf Chicks and Candlesticks are kind of the in the same boat. Jessica and Devon have potential, but they could get screwed by their circumstances (and/or alliances). Ali is solid though and Mike hasn't done anything to offend. They're down 1 player, so I'm ranking us slightly higher than them in the power rankings.
5. Two Laurens: Don't get me wrong, I love Lauren. But I get the sense that she makes decisions more based on "who do I want to get rid of" and "who don't I want to work with" rather than trying to keep an open mind to potentially working with anyone. That could make her a trustworthy ally, but it's not going to win her Survivor. Ben definitely has potential, but JP is starting to pale into as ghostly a figure as Roark, and I'm thinking there's an early exit in his future.
6.  Scrub Island: Scrub Island is earning decent points right now, and they really need to maximize that while they can. I just don't see them earning much post-merge. 

Douche of the Week:

Joe again for me. It feels like he knows about our DoW and is actively trying to take that title. 

Survivor 3H Club: Draft & Ep 3

Survivor pool is BACK in an updated format. We've added two new teams (welcome Phil & Eric!), and we've updated the rules for 1 season only (unless this turns out to be amazing) so that each player could be drafted twice. Otherwise I think all the rules are the same.

The draft was mostly done online & ran fairly smoothly all things considered. Ben, Ryan, Chrissy, and Mike seemed to be largely considered the top picks. Draft highlights include Ben's complete & utter shock at Mike being drafted so highly, Moon drafting Cole because he thinks Melissa enjoys looking at him/cheering for him, and then turning around and double-drafting one of the least liked players in Joe. We also saw Lauren "I played center field for 25 years" go in the 2nd round, and Patrick get spurned altogether. Kudos to alums & n00bs alike for solid non-drafting of the dumb ginger!

And now on to Episode 3...

It's the Simone fashion show! Survivor really doesn't have enough opportunities for cross-dressing imo, so this was a nice addition. But really, in the first 20 minutes it feels like nothing happens. We're suddenly watching the teeny-bopper Twilight version of Survivor where all we're doing is listening to people talk about who they like. But do they like them back? Was the peck on the cheek really the most we're going to get in the action category after all of this jabbering on? And with all the talk of power couples, why aren't Ryan & Devon's names being thrown into the mix? How could a bromance be considered a less dangerous bond than a heterosexual "we're making out at best" partnership?

We get our first glimpse of ghosties Roark & Desi. They even speak a little bit! Overall they seem unobjectionable & I could see them both going decently far based on that & nothing more. They certainly won't win if they aren't going to be strategists, but they could make the jury by remaining inoffensive & loyal. 

We watch a few different people gloat about how they're in the best possible position, seemingly unaware of the Survivor curse of hubris and also maybe forgetting that Survivor typically does a tribal switch-up right around this time of the season. Then Cole botches the whole secret plan to take Joe out & Jessica overreacts to his "taking her power away" or whatever it was she said. 

Finally 30 minutes in and we're getting to the challenge. Feels like it took forever.

Patrick is getting annoying in this challenge and really has it coming to get voted out. You need to be a team player in every aspect of this game, and hogging a part of the challenge that you actually kind of suck at is pretty bad strategy for both winning the challenge & keeping yourself in the game. Also, Lauren did not need to tell us that she was a 25 yr veteran @ softball. That was understood.

How was redheads don't do very well  at lying not the title of this episode?

After watching Patrick prove his idiocy for 5 minutes and then have producers edit it to appear that the rest of the tribe is in anguish over who's getting voted out, we're on to tribal council. Probst looks generally uninterested in the group of castaways. Maybe season 35 is the point that he finally realizes that maybe he doesn't love his job anymore. And is Probst implying that he is a therapist? "Maybe a wannabe," says Wolfie.

Thank goodness Patrick got voted out. That dude was going to be a ticking time bomb for the hustlers. Also I really like Lauren. Of course it would have been hilarious to see her voted out first so we could all endlessly mock Eric's team. But I'm glad that we're going to get the softball player for at least a couple more weeks.

Next week looks like a tribal switch up, and I'm wondering if it'll still be 3 tribes or move down to 2. What will this do to all of these power couples? Of the top tier picks, Ali seems most likely to land on her feet. There's also opportunity for ghosts like Rourke and Desi to move up. Those who aren't adaptable may be totally screwed. I'm thinking of you, Joe!

The Teams:

Doug & Bri "Cowboys & Estrogen" - 18 points

• Ben (5 pts)
• Ali (0 pts)
• Chrissy (5 pts)
• Desi (3 pts)
• Ashley (5 pts)

Phil "Scrub Island Featuring Superscrub Roark" - 18 points

• Mike (2 pts)
• Chrissy (5 pts)
• Roark (3 pts)
• JP (5 pts)
• Desi (3 pts)

Eric "Two Laurens Don't Make a Right" - 15 points

• Ben (5 pts)
• Lauren (0 pts)
• JP (5 pts)
• Lauren (0 pts)
• Alan (5 pts)

Moon & Melissa "The Bakerss" - 14 points

• Ryan (0 pts)
• Cole (3 pts)
• Joe (3 pts)
• Joe (3 pts)
• Ashley (5 pts)

Michal & Ben "The Candlestick Makers" - 9 points

• Ryan (0 pts)
• Cole (3 pts)
• Devon (0 pts)
• Jessica (3 pts)
• Roark (3 pts)

Player Rankings:

I decided to go full out this week & did a little math:

	Ranking based on avg draft pick	Michal's rankings after ep3
1	Ben	Ali
2	Ryan	Chrissy
3	Mike	Devon
4	Cole	Ryan
5	Chrissy	Jessica
6	Devon	Ben
7	Ali	Cole
8	JP	Ashley
9	Lauren	Roark
10	Joe	Desi
11	Jessica	Mike
12	Roark	Joe
13	Desi	Lauren
14	Alan	JP
15	Ashley	Alan

Power Rankings:

1. Cowboys: this team is chock-full of potential. All of these players could go far & I don't expect any of them to be too negatively impacted by the tribal mix-up. Also if Ali & Chrissy end up on the same tribe & also decide they don't like each other, then there could be some cannabilism early.
    
2. Surf Chicks: I think Bag's team actually has a lot of promise despite taking Poor Man's Ryan in the 2nd round. I think Devon is smarter than he might have initially appeared and he, Ali, and Jessica all seem like potential power players. A point against this team for earning potential in challenges.
    
3. Candlesticks: I think our team has the best chance at short-term earning potential with the 2 best swimmers on our team. As mentioned above, I think Devon is smarter than we might have thought, but I also think Cole might be dumber than we initially thought. I like that we have 2 sets of power couples on our team, but that also makes this a riskier stable than most.
    
4. Bakers: Not as risky as drafting Joe twice though! I just don't see this guy getting very far if his whole tribe already hates him. With that being said, he does have an idol, so I can't completely discount him. A well-played idol could completely switch up the game. He needs to stop throwing food away though. That's a Survivor taboo & also proves he has an extremely weak social game.
    
5.  Scrub Island: I like Chrissy, but I think Mike was taken way to early. There also isn't a whole lot of earning potential on this team. Challenges is where most points come from as well as finding hidden immunity idols, and I'm not seeing a high ceiling for either of those from this stable.
   
6. Two Laurens: There's just not a lot to be impressed about with this team. Ben's probably okay, but JP, Lauren, and Alan are not a good supporting cast. JP is vanilla, and Lauren & Alan appear to have far too strong of opinions about most things. Also, is anyone else getting the sense that Alan might quit?

Douche of the Week:

For those new to DoW, this is your chance to vote for the douchiest castaway of the season! Final overall most-voted douchiest castaway earns their team a bonus 5 points at the end of the season.

My DoW vote goes to Joe for throwing food away, especially after someone (Desi?) offered to eat his half-eaten food.