Survivor Retrospective: Samoa

Rating: 5.5/10

Samoa's legacy as one of the more memorable Survivor seasons is entirely due to its introduction of legendary villain Russell Hantz. From the opening stanza of the season, when the oil tycoon immediately pioneered a new level of depravity by pouring out the water of his tribe's canteens, Russell dominated the game. He established franchise benchmarks for screen time, idols found (all three without a clue!) and played and tribal councils survived. He controlled the game's strategy like few players ever have. He reveled in the season's brutally rainy conditions, celebrating the adversity he was best equipped to handle. He won the final immunity challenge over a must-defeat foe. Yet Russell's most memorable moment came at the Reunion when he received just two of nine jury votes.

Russell quickly sought to forge allegedly longterm alliances with everyone on his tribe. Those who agreed latched onto his flowing coattails. Those who astutely recognized him as a charlatan were immediately sent packing for their suspicions. Russell ran an authoritarian regime from the first vote. Any dissent was immediately crushed.

Dissent dissipated as Russell's Foa Foa tribe kept losing challenges to Galu. By the time the tribes merged, Russell's loyalists had been condensed to Bible-beating bimbo Natalie, affable doctor Mick(Dreamy) and law student Jaison. Galu's numbers doubled Foa Foa's at the mergepoint, but unconventional ex-marine Shambo had long detached from Galu and fell under Russell's wing. Natalie pulled an ace out of her sleeve to sow seeds of doubt surrounding Galu's Erik. Whether it was deft social play from Natalie, the opposite from Erik, or other unexplained motivations, Galu ripped the heart out of one of their own - while an idol languished in his pocket - and the lid off Pandora's Box.

Russell ironically wasted his first idol on that 10-2 vote, but immediately made up for it. He found a second idol the next day and hid its identity from Galu. He successfully played the idol at the next Tribal to save himself and dust Galu's Kelly. Just like that, the factions had drawn even at 5-5. Russell next bamboozled cocksure rocket scientist John, getting him to break a 5-5 headed-to-rocks tie on a revote under the guise of a faux secret power pact. Betrayed by John, the remaining Galu were happy to take Russell's suggestion and vote him out at the next Tribal. The Foa Foa four executed one Galu after another. Lightly-featured nice guy Brett provided some late game intrigue by winning three straight immunities - forcing Foa Foa to turn on Jaison - but Russell beat him in the climactic final immunity. 

Russell's resumé - hand-picked eliminations of most of the season's players, three immunity idols found without any clues, one of them successfully played to save himself and defeat an entire tribe, another so unnecessary it was taken home as a souvenir, a final immunity defeat of a sure-fire winner - was objectively impressive, staggering even. Russell was convinced of his own merits, repeatedly telling the cameras he was taking Natalie because there was no way she could beat him in votes and proclaiming himself the victor after defeating Brett. Even in the Reunion, when he could have been chastened by the 7-2 margin, Russell affirmed he'd played the greatest strategic game in Survivor history. But Survivor's merits aren't objective. The defining accolade of the game lies in the eyes of the beholders - the Jury culled from fallen competitors.

In this instance the Jury heftily repudiated Russell's tactics. It was shocking at the time, even disenchanting. Russell had been the star of the season since its opening moments. He impeccably accomplished every objective he'd delightfully articulated from the season's opening moments. Indeed, he was the season's narrator - more so than Jeff Probst, despite the latter's unnecessary, patronizing previously-ons. Russell's narration stood alongside that of Survivor's premier tour guides - Richard Hatch, Rob Cesternino and Rob Mariano. He was the season's most interesting, exciting and charismatic player - and certainly edited as such. Natalie once killed a rat and ate it.

But if you examined the proclivities of each jury member, Natalie's landslide wasn't a surprise. Brett bonded with her over the Bible. Jaison said in his exit interview that Russell's unnecessary blindside of him was a deal-breaking betrayal. Monica and Laura despised him. Kelly was repulsed by Russell's hypocritical Final Tribal claim that honor, integrity and loyalty were his most important values outside the game. Erik used his Final Tribal platform to lambast Russell and Mick before singing Natalie's praises. Most jurors valued Natalie's qualities more than Russell's. She played this particular iteration of Survivor better than Russell - even if his skills were more likely to translate to other versions.

Survivor Retrospective: Tocantins

 

Rating: 7/10

Despite one of the most predictable endgames in franchise history, Tocantins was a terrific season thanks to its extraordinary cast. While early seasons appeared to strive for a representative cross-section of Americans, Tocantins clearly delved its cast from a stocked pond. Former pop star Taj was discovered through a recruitment of NFL players' wives. Tyson was immediately savage and hilarious. Coach was so far over the top he'd revolved to the bottom. Tocantins featured not one but two leggy blonde models, a Johnny Drama lookalike and a prototypically bright, handsome young entrepreneur Alpha. But a hillbilly whose charisma tested the boundaries of credulity casually overcame them all.

Pre-merge, the game's most compelling storyline was a secret cross-tribal alliance creatively engineered by Brendan the entrepreneur. Forced to choose a companion from the other tribe for an overnight stay on Exile Island, Brendan selected Taj for reasons never explained on camera. Together they engineered a stealth alliance of four, with Taj bringing in cerebral tribemate Stephen and Brendan allying with kind-hearted free agent Sierra. The plan was to keep the alliance under wraps until the merge, then dismantle their tribemates before they knew what was happening. But Brendan didn't solidify his relationships strongly enough. Taj and Stephen rolled with foundational ally J.T. instead, betraying Brendan in the Coach-approved "Dragonslaying" shortly after the merge.

J.T. and Stephen formed one of the tightest bonds ever developed on Survivor, steadfastly controlling their tribe's votes from beginning to end. They handled the dirty work equally, but J.T. managed to oust his adversaries with a smile and a bow of respect. Taj operated as the alliance's third wheel, coordinating an awesome blindside of Tyson and Coach's demise before the duo viciously blindsided her with four left. Taj's painful exit was softened by a particularly poignant preceding family visit with her famous, immensely likable husband Eddie George. That one wasn't, but many of the episodes were overproduced - a problem exacerbated by Coach's ludicrous theatrics.

Though he helped dig the grave for Coach, J.T. managed to maintain his promise of not writing his name down. Stephen sensed the jury might have a preference for his compatriot, but we never found out the climactic question of whether Stephen would slit J.T.'s throat for the million. The southerner won the final two immunity challenges. J.T. never received a vote at Tribal Council until the Final one when he received them all. He added the additional $100k as the season's fan favorite. He lost a tooth during a challenge and immediately returned. Seemingly all of his adversaries sung his praises all season. One of them fell for him so hard he vowed he'd sacrifice his game for J.T.'s - moments before the southerner sent him packing. Before his reputation was tarnished in return seasons, J.T. established himself as one of the game's most popular and dominant players.

Survivor Retrospective: Fans vs. Favorites

Rating: 9.5/10

By its 16th season, Survivor's producers had figured out viewers found strategy and social play more exciting than debilitating battles against Mother Nature. The formula - which began as quaint observation of disparate Americans descending the ladders of hygiene and nutrition - had evolved into watching hot young people scheme on a beach. Micronesia, AKA Fans vs. Favorites, played this formula like a fiddle to arguably the most entertaining season in franchise history.

Fans vs. Favorites pitted a tribe of returning All-Star players against a tribe of longtime fans. The favorites came out swinging, constructing an elegant shelter the first afternoon, igniting romances (Amanda/Ozzy and James/Parvati) before the first night was over and obtaining fire (magnifying sunlight with Yau-Man's glasses) on day two. But they lost two of the first three immunities, creating a pivotal early showdown between the couples and the Ami/Eliza/Penner/Yau-Man faction with Cirie as the swing vote. Yau was executed like a George R. R. Martin character, notifying the audience anyone could go at any moment.

Early episodes whimsically navigated the path to the merge. Amanda wrestled and defeated a 45 lb. shark, further endearing herself to Ozzy. Overaggressive meathead Joel met a satisfying demise after his own backstabbing antics. Two players quit and another was med-evaced. Ozzy found the idol and replaced it with a fake one, bamboozling naive young Jason into the "It's a f***ing stick!" incident. It was all entertaining, but the real drama arrived when the tribes were swapped.

Parvati emerged from the disorienting swap as the season's power player, fashioning an alliance with fans Natalie and Alexis under the proposal they'd blindside the game's brawniest men. That plan came to delectable fruition post-merge, starting with Ozzy's breathtaking blindside (which came after the challenge hero quit an endurance challenge for donuts). Natalie tricked Jason into pocketing his idol and then the girls pulled off the most audacious move in franchise history when they convinced Erik to give Natalie his immunity. James was spared only because an infected finger forced another med-evac.

The finale featured a devastating final twist, reverting the game to a two-player Final Tribal. Amanda won immunity and chose to face Parvati over Cirie. Ozzy fired off an impassioned speech in support of Amanda, but it wasn't enough. The jury awarded Parvati a well-deserved victory by a 5-3 margin, cementing her reputation as one of the game's savviest players.

Fans vs. Favorites still wasn't in HD. It had too many reward challenges. The lame fallen comrades finale segment featured two quitters and two med-evacs. But these gripes are easily forgotten behind the season's blindsides, love stories and dramatic speeches. Thanks to several unforgettable interactions within a potent, glamorous and determined cast, Fans vs. Favorites earned penthouse real estate in the Survivor pantheon.

Survivor Retrospective: China

Rating: 8/10

China was one of the best seasons of Survivor thanks to its direct, likable cast and exciting lategame tactics. Like many of the show's better seasons, China quickly consolidated down to the players making up the core alliance of a dominant tribe. These seasons are often the most compelling, because they allow for slow-simmering drama crescendoing amongst longterm companions. 

The Fei Long tribe outclassed the Zhan Hu tribe from the get-go. Perhaps the most relentlessly physically dominant player in the game's history - James spearheaded Fei Long's challenge and shelter-building efforts. Alpha Jack Johnson look-alike Aaron was quickly elected "leader" of the tribe. Amanda kept enthusiasm high while Denise's loyal, workmanlike approach stabilized the group. Jean-Robert Bellande provided the unintentional comedy, with a woefully misguided and misexecuted "strategy" of douchebaggery. Courtney offered biting, discerning evaluations of her competitors. But it was flight attendant Todd who controlled the game's strategic sphere. 

The game got off to a disenchanting start when a silly kidnapping 2v2 swap deprived Fei Long of James and Aaron, enticing Zhan Hu strategists Jaime and Peih Gee to throw the immunity challenge and vote out Aaron. It was a repugnant outcome producers should have seen coming.The episode was salvaged by the novelty of James winding up with two immunity idols through complications of the swap scramble.

Shortly after Aaron's exit the tribes merged. Jaime was the first to go, but not before uttering several delectable clips detailing her upcoming use of a (fake) immunity idol fashioned by James. "I'm not as dumb as I look," Jaime said. "I'm going to shock the world." But Jaime didn't go home emptyhanded - she revealed in the Reunion she was dating virgin show love interest Erik, who finished sixth. 

China featured one of Survivor's most unforgettable moments when heroic, honorable, unsuspecting James was backstabbed by his alliance with seven players left, leaving two immunity idols unplayed. It was a tragic but commendable moment, as young Montanan franchise fixture Amanda pulled the trigger on a painful but scintillating resumé-builder. 

Ultimately it wasn't enough for Amanda. Todd delivered arguably the finest Final Tribal performance in Survivor history, convincing at least two of the seven jury members to vote for him. Todd played a savvy strategic game from day one. He didn't really hide his deviousness yet nobody considered him a threat. Todd regularly noted how he'd let others get their way in votes to maintain the illusion voting was a democracy. He recognized the value of surrounding himself with insulating players who'd camouflage his personality. He saw the game from a deeper, rounder perspective than his competitors and efficaciously articulated that to the Jury. Todd even bluffed the bluffer, appealing to poker pro Jean-Robert's ego by telling him he voted him off because he was his greatest threat. Relentlessly passionate, engaged and descriptive, season tour guide Todd's victory felt well-deserved.

Survivor Retrospective: Palau

Rating: 6.5/10

Though it was the most predictable of Survivor's first ten seasons, Palau found a way to steadily entertain thanks to its more engaging players and the rewards their vitality reaped. Palau was an examination of physical and mental toughness, revealing how some crumble under adverse circumstances, some unify, and a special few flourish.

Palau played out as two boring but touching half-seasons back to back. The first season chronicled the evaporation of the Ulong tribe from a robust group of nine down to a single withered, lonely and inspirational castaway. Ulong actually won half of its first six challenges, but the three they lost were all immunities. The first reward challenge they lost was a crucial shelter-building reward that thrust them further behind Koror's 8-ball. Soon after, strapping 21-year-old Jeff injured his ankle and asked his tribemates to send him home, pointing his tribe further down the road of ruin and Jeff Probst to mercilessly roast him at the Reunion. Ulong lost six consecutive immunities, which was more a trick of variance than an indictment on their teamwork. Ulong dwindled to a tribe of just Bobby Jon and Stephenie, a likable duo united by awesome work ethics and abs. When they lost a seventh straight immunity, the duo took part in the smallest Tribal Council ever. Stephenie upset Bobby Jon in a firemaking challenge to "merge" with Koror.

Though they'd only had to visit Tribal Council once (a twist episode in which both tribes had to vote someone out), the Kororites had plenty of screen time before the merge. While their dramas never caused fallout other than drama, they did serve to establish post-merge social hierarchies. Every good Survivor season has a tour guide to articulate these dramas to the audience. Palau's was Coby, an intelligent and aware player who recognized the consequences of post-merge voting blocks before his less astute tribemates. Coby desperately tried to shake up the hierarchy before it was too late, but his conniving led merely to a snuffed torch. Stephenie managed to survive one more Tribal when a quirky woman named Janu elected to step down after a mind-altering VisionQuest on the first "Exile Island" introduced into the game. Stephenie, viewed as the "winner" of Ulong, finally saw her run come to an end in seventh place. But she'd endeared herself to both tribes, Survivor's audience, and its producers - who'd invite her back for two more runs at the million.

Stephenie's departure shepherded in the season's one moment of voting intrigue, as the inner Koror alliance was finally forced to fracture. After winning a lavish reward, determined Gregg made the classic mistake of bringing his allies with him, leaving the others alone on the beach to scheme. Caryn decided to join the season's two Alphas, Ian and Tom, to vote against Gregg in what they assumed would be a 3-3 tie. When the rewarded returned, Caryn ran the same fake detachment play Sandra pioneered in Pearl Islands. Moments before Tribal, Ian told his longtime ally Katie of the plan, imploring her to join them to avoid a rock draw. Katie acquiesced and Gregg went home. Caryn overplayed her hand and revealed too much information in the next episode, inspiring everyone to vote her out. Tom won a second straight immunity with four left; Ian trounced Gregg's "girlfriend" Jenn in a tiebreaker firemaking challenge to reduce the field to three.

Though their journey to the final three was rocky, Ian, Katie and Tom comprised Koror's inner alliance since the first night of the game. As the castaways were forced to condense, kindly dolphin trainer Ian succumbed to the vagaries of the game's deception. After one of Tom's many immunity wins, Ian admitted he was glad he'd won so he wouldn't have to consider voting him out. Tom never forgave Ian for that, and the dolphin trainer also struggled through some intense loyalty conversations with Katie. He was emotionally bedraggled by the time the climactic endurance immunity challenge arrived.

Ian stood on a pole for eleven hours and fifty five minutes before deciding to step off so that Katie and Tom could go to Final Tribal together. While admirably altruistic, his decision seemed curious considering the whole reason Katie and Tom were upset with him was that he'd prioritized winning the game over their friendships...and he wanted to win the game so badly he stood on a pole for eleven hours and fifty five minutes. At Reunion, Ian said he didn't regret stepping down, a stance he's maintained ever since. Ian's decision effectively ended the game; Katie performed abysmally at Final Tribal and lost in a 6-1 blowout.

Tom's victory march may have been boring, but it was certainly deserved. He was the most impressive victor of Survivor's first ten, an incredibly potent physical player with impeccable character and solid strategy. With his chiseled body, perfect white hair and archetypal accent, Tom looked and sounded like a movie star playing a New York City firefighter. His accomplishments were myriad and they were legendary. He killed actually poisonous snakes in a cave. He jumped into the ocean and killed a legitimate shark with only a machete. He did crunches on the beach. He saved all his money for a family letter at the food auction reward. He proactively went after Gregg, recognizing he'd be on the wrong side of a 3-2 block if he didn't. He won five of seven individual immunity challenges, including the longest endurance in Survivor history. Even when he got drunk on rum and passed out, he was the first one up in the morning. He went fishing, then stood on a pole for three hours to win an immunity challenge in which every other castaway was tempted away by food. Tom said the only thing he was bad at was shooting guns, so that's why he chose to fight fires. Tom is rarely mentioned in the GOAT conversation, perhaps due to the anticlimactic events paving the way to his win. But Tom's Palau performance was certainly one of the greatest in Survivor history.

Survivor Retrospective: All-Stars

Rating: 3/10

Coming off the heels of the franchise's two best seasons, featuring a hand-picked cast of stalwart players, with the nuts & bolts of production and editing mastered, Survivor All-Stars appeared as if it would be infallibly entertaining. But while the previous two seasons impeccably navigated the hazards of predictability, castaway distress and casting doldrums, All-Stars found them all. Hotly-anticipated by casual and diehard fans, All-Stars quickly fell into treacherous waters and never recovered. It was a massive clunker.

Mark Burnett & co. didn't make many casting mistakes, but the few they did came back to haunt them. It felt like Jenna Lewis got the nod due to nostalgia for the debut season rather than anything she did to accentuate herself there; in All-Stars she persisted all the way to final three without a memorable moment. Sue was as caustic on All-Stars as she was in that debut; this time her infamous moment came through a sexual harassment scandal rather than an angry speech. Alicia was on hand because of her fitness and demographic; she failed to provide anything compelling before busting out seventh. Jerri was selected to fill the femme fatale role; she organized a blindside or two of superior players before being pathetically discarded. Many former castaways - including champions Sandra and Vecepia and luminaries like Colleen, Greg, Heidi, Brandon and Kim Powers - would doubtlessly have made the season more watchable. 

The first half of the season was submarined by a series of unfortunate exits. Two of the exits were unfortunate for the castaways themselves, as Jenna Morasca decided to leave the game for her cancer-stricken mother (arriving home eight days before she died) and Sue quit after a naked Richard Hatch rubbed his genitalia against her during a challenge. Nevermind that Hatch is gay, that Sue hardly reacted in the moment or that Hatch was voted off before Sue exploded - once again a cast member felt they were violated, and once again Survivor did nothing about it. All-Stars is further evidence Survivor's handling of sexual harassment is long, checkered and deficient. 

The Alpha-males of All-Stars set about to devour each other as soon as they got off the boat. There wasn't enough room for two Robs in an initial tribe of six, so Cesternino was offed by the Robfather before sinking his strategic claws into the game. The aforementioned Hatch lost an alpha-battle to Colby, who had his own back stabbed at the next Tribal Council. On day 21, Ethan became the final former champ to fall. None of it was particularly captivating; the show's most engaging moments centered around Amber & Rob's love story (begun before the halfway point of the first episode), Hatch winning a protracted battle with a shark and Rupert failing on a shelter.

The castaways received a surprise when, with ten left, they swapped buffs instead of merging. Coincidentally, every member wound up with their previous tribemates except for Amber. She was the obvious target, but the Robfather made a dramatic move. During a transition after the immunity challenge, Rob pleaded with Lex to spare her in exchange for a future favor. Amber scrapped, charmed and promised as best as she could with her new tribe. Lex talked it over with Kathy and they decided to take the gambit, ousting Jerri instead of Amber. The tribes merged in the next episode. Instead of a favor, the Robfather served Lex a summons to be the first member of the jury. Kathy was next, but not before shedding many tears over ravaged friendships. 

It was hard to sympathize with them. Having watched Marquesas, Kathy and Lex should've known Rob's word was meaningless. Kathy even played alongside him that season. Kathy and Lex could've voted Amber off and controlled the post-merge game, but they fell victim to Survivor's most classic mistake: misjudging the significance of a short-term relationship within the sphere of the game. Apparently their relationship with Rob had developed outside of the game, illuminating another way in which All-Stars misfired: players who know and know of each other are less interesting to watch because their interactions are less deceptive. Kathy's agony felt more deserved than Lex's, as he'd presided over half a dozen eliminations of "friends" in the name of strategic gameplay.

The second pivotal moment of the game came with five left. Incorrectly concerned Big Tom might turn on them, Amber and Rob elected to go with Jenna and Rupert to the final four. Jenna cemented her undistinguished, unprincipled legacy by stabbing Rupert in the back rather than drawing rocks. Then she screwed up an endurance challenge and busted out third. Rupert's exit didn't contain the tragic element it did on Pearl Islands, as his personality and providing lost some of its vibrancy and he was clearly in over his head strategically. Rupert got the last laugh when fans awarded him a million bucks in a surprise special America's Tribal Council four days after the reunion.

That reunion finale was actually the best episode of All-Stars. The season's preeminent storyline gained weight when the audience saw Amber & Rob were still together; when he proposed to her and she said yes, it truly appeared a duo had won the game together. Indeed, they had played the entire game together. Their alliance was greater than the sum of its parts. Rob was in peak form throughout the season, more nuanced than the heavy-handed soldier-in-training we saw in Marquesas, dominant in mental and physical challenges, just as providing as Rupert if he set his mind to it. Amber played a brilliant social game, massaging and blinding the other castaways from the finality of her alliance with Rob. Moments after becoming his fiancée, Amber defeated Rob 4-3 to become The Survivor All-Star. It was the proper result, as Rob's social manipulations had been too ruthless for the Jury to stomach, his Final Tribal performance so wretched you wondered if he was trying to throw the vote.

Amber & Rob wrote the book on Survivor coupling - how to start, how to play and win the game, and how to make it last afterwards. It was an impressive achievement, an alliance of mind, purpose and spirit never seen before or since. No two players have ever immersed themselves so deeply into the game, erasing and rewriting the boundaries between game and life. Their legacy is two championships, two of the hardest dominations in Survivor history, and decades of castaways insistent on breaking apart any hint of a potential couple.

Survivor Retrospective: Pearl Islands

Rating: 9.5/10 

Pearl Islands accelerated the momentum generated in The Amazon, parlaying the whimsy of its opening pirate theme into a thrilling and dynamic closing stretch. While The Amazon was clearly engineered to dramatize sex, Pearl Islands relied on the charm of its castaways and the skill of its editors to produce the best season of the first seven and an entry into the pantheon of all-time greats.  

The banality of Survivor's initial meet & greet got a shot in the arm when the Pearl Islands castaways were forced to barter for supplies in a Panamanian town. The Drake tribe got off to an imposing start thanks to Sandra, whose Spanish and disposition obtained them an array of useful supplies. The Morgan tribe splintered haplessly and returned with few possessions - not even their shoes, which had been pirated by Drake's Rupert after Morgan left them unwatched.

Rupert's first impression was that pilfering, but he quickly endeared himself to his tribe and audience by providing. Rupert immediately distinguished himself as the premier provider in the game's history, casually catching enough seafood for all of Drake to feast on every day. Drake's only hiccup came when Rupert reluctantly allowed doofus Shawn to fish with his prized spear; Shawn predictably lost the spear, but Rupert located it on the Pacific Ocean floor after several hours of searching in a grid. 

Drake decimated Morgan with six straight challenge victories to open the game. To make matters worse, the reward challenges included the right to plunder one item from the other tribe. Drake lowered the bootheel by thieving the most prized of Morgan's few possessions. The dichotomy of the first two weeks was stark: Drake's castaways lived more comfortably than any survivors in history, while Morgan's suffering was so acute it spawned the first quitter in Survivor history, Osten. 

Drake's first challenge loss was purposeful, as they elected to tank an immunity challenge despite Rupert's reservations. That proved to be the crack Morgan needed to get back into the game; they edged Drake in the next two immunities to settle the player score at 5-5. 

Then came the twist, the most hair-raising of the first seven seasons: all the players who'd been eliminated suddenly strutted back into the game as the "Outcasts" tribe. One Outcast would be eligible to return to the game per tribe they defeated in a challenge. The Outcasts prevailed over both tribes in the challenge, so two got to return to the game in place of Drake and Morgan members voted out that night.

The twist backfired when the Outcasts "voted in" unentertaining Lill and scheming Burton. Socially-incompetent Lill persisted all the way to Final Tribal, while conniving Burton joined forces with a supervillain to orchestrate the murder of the show's most celebrated hero.

By the time his back was stabbed, Rupert's heroism bordered on mythical. He'd been briefly swapped to Morgan, who he rescued from destitution before returning to Drake. His confessionals revealed surprising vulnerability, a former fat kid who fashioned himself "The best damn Survivor player ever." Rupert was more than the game's greatest provider: he was a challenge beast, a loyal ally, a wonderful companion and an articulate tactician. Rupert set a record for per-episode screentime before his downfall, edited to be a Shakespearean tragedy in the vein of Julius Caesar.

Rupert was assassinated by an unholy cadre of Morgans, Outcasts and his own Drake companion, Jonny Fairplay. The latter slowly emerged as the preeminent villain of the game's first seven seasons, an egocentric cancer who delighted in strategic exploitation. Fairplay launched his most legendary gambit during the family visit episode, faking his grandmother's death for pity so the other castaways would let him win the challenge - giving up their own rights to see family members so Fairplay could hang out with his friend.

The season lulled briefly without Rupert, as Fairplay and Burton brutishly took control of the game while their bromance bloomed. They may well have ridden the wave all the way home if not for committing a classic mistake: the devious duo went on an extravagant reward together, leaving the other three castaways together at camp. Darrah, Lill and Sandra quickly conspired to vote Burton out. The female plotting was interspersed with decadent clips of Burton & Fairplay congratulating each other on their control of the game while blasting the women as helpless, thickheaded sheep.

When the men returned, each woman played up the stereotype they knew Burton & Fairplay considered them to camouflage their alliance: Darrah played dumb and detached, Lill acted increasingly erratic and antisocial, while Sandra pretended she was giving up before "accepting" a final three offer from the men. Burton & Jon sniffed out the ruse, noting the melodrama in Darrah & Lill's performance. But Sandra obliterated the men with detailed, nuanced lies built on the foundation of her ruthless reputation. It was a stunning, glorious late-game rise for one of Survivor's all-time greats, the third and most unexpected of Pearl Islands' classic characters to emerge.

Sandra laid low for most of the season, but her performance down the stretch revealed her to be one of the shrewdest thinkers to ever play the game. Sandra found herself on the wrong side of the numbers several times down the stretch, but always found a way to linger at the back of the slaughterhouse line. She never received a vote against.

For once the edit played it straight, casting incandescent light on Burton's impending demise instead of trying to blindside the audience. The men appropriated the unusual edit with bushels of wildly chauvinistic confessionals, entertainingly cut with clips of Sandra dunking on them. Burton's torch was snuffed at an epicly satisfying Tribal Council, with Jeff Probst joining the dunk contest: "For the second time, the tribe has spoken."

Fairplay was spared at the next Tribal in order to oust Darrah the challenge-dominator, leaving a disjointed final three of Fairplay, Lill and Sandra. Lill outlasted Fairplay in the endurance challenge, then surprisingly chose to go to Final Tribal with Sandra. Lill claimed her decision was motivated by honor at the Reunion Show, but had said on camera she was choosing based on who she could beat. Four jurors said they would've voted for Lill over Fairplay, so perhaps Lill gave up $900k by choosing Sandra. In confessional, Sandra said she'd surely vote herself out and expected Lill to off her. In any case, Survivor fans are forever indebted to Lill for choosing Sandra. If daft Lill or evil Fairplay had won, it would've felt hollow after such an illustrious and dynamic season. Instead, Sandra's dominant Final Tribal performance and 6-1 vote trouncing capped a thoroughly satisfying finish to a classic season.