Survivor Retrospective: Gabon

Rating: 4/10

Short on strategy, stimulation and affection, Gabon was one of the more forgettable chapters of the Survivor canon. It's best remembered as the first HD season of the show, congruent with the pretty cast and exotic locale. Shots of elephants, gorillas and undulating green meadows jumped off the screen; producers would have been wise to devote extra time to the landscape and wildlife in favor of the feeble cast. Gabon also featured perhaps the meanest group in franchise history, a far cry from the compassionate but ruthless casts of the New Era. It's also notable as the season with the oldest winner.

The season puttered along early, with the Fang tribe losing and languishing and season narrator and emotional heroine Sugar getting sent to Exile Island five times in a row. Sugar found the idol planted on Exile quickly, then relaxed each time in the "Sugar Shack" by choosing "comfort" over "clue." She acknowledged her closest ally Ace was a "snake" before turning on him for nerdy but equally serpentine Kenny, then tearfully regretted the move in confessional. 

After a single-vote tribal swap, Susie turned on the stronger Kota tribe to join Kenny and Olympian gold medalist Crystal to dump alpha favorite Marcus. His edit was immaculate, his exit tragic, but he never got another crack at the competition. The Kenny/Crystal/Susie alliance took control of the game, orchestrating the demise of once dominant Kota. The voting intrigue waned, with most of the season's most memorable moments coming courtesy of castaways dunking on each other. Sugar got Bob to give Randy his fake idol for the tribal she voted him out, seemingly just to embarrass the curmudgeon. Corinne said really mean things. Kenny pulled strings like an evil puppeteer before he was caught playing both sides. The good and evil dynamic was accentuated by Sugar's heroic edit and kindly bro Matty's emotional proposal during the loved ones visit. "I might have to go to the end with Bob, and Bob will dominate, but at least good will prevail," Matty announced in one confessional. Sugar turned on Crystal and Kenny cause they bullied him unnecessarily. 

57 year-old Bob won five straight challenges down the stretch. Susie won Final Immunity, with Sugar joining Bob to force a 2-2 tie with Matty. Bob crushed the surfer in firemaking to make the Final; Matty would have won over the Jury if he'd made it. At an abysmal Final Tribal, Corinne the Bitch and Randy the Curmudgeon bullied the finalists, Bob didn't even try to claim strategic acumen and Sugar didn't tell the Jury what they wanted to hear. Despite the sympathetic edit, she received zero votes. Surprisingly, Susie garnered three. While Bob was one of Survivor's least strategic champions, he certainly was likable: he shipped the fan favorite as well.

Survivor Retrospective: Fiji

Rating: 4.5/10

Like most seasons dominated by a runaway victor, Fiji featured a generally insipid cast and little voting intrigue. But its victor didn't run away from the field until Final Tribal, as he battled neck-and-neck with a trusted ally and fellow hero for control throughout the competition. It was this ally's tragic fall that generated the season's only lasting memory.

The Moto tribe won the first eight challenges, several of which provided significant living advantages. But Gary was med-evaced and they opted to trade one of their immunities for comfort, muting their advantage at the Merge. Moto's sharpest player, Alex, recognized Dreamz and Cassandra would flip at the Merge, but was unable to convince his allies to oust them before they consolidated. Dreamz spearheaded a delicious backstabbing of Moto, creating some of the slackest jaws in Tribal Council history in the season's best episode. Alex persisted as long as he could before bowing out in seventh.

Earl served as Ravu's leader and its tour guide, simultaneously bonding the tribe while dissecting it strategically. He formed trusted alliances with Cassandra, Michelle and Moto's Dreamz. But his strongest bond was a feel-good alliance with Yau-Man. These were the season's only strong players - astute, hard-working, uncomplaining, strategic and honorable. They found the idol in the sand, then buried a fake one in its place. The payoff never came cause the rest of the cast was too lackadaisical to hunt for the idol.

With six players left Yau-Man won a truck in a reward challenge, then bartered it to Dreamz in exchange for a promise he'd give him immunity if he won it with four left. Dreamz immediately targeted Yau, who successfully used the idol to stave off elimination. He then won a do-or-die immunity with five left, sending Boo packing. Dreamz then outlasted Yau for what they learned was Final Immunity, with three players going to Final Tribal. He famously reneged on the bargain and Yau was voted out.

Dreamz of course then got zero votes at Final Tribal, as did resumé-less Cassandra for the first shutout in Survivor history. Earl, who'd never seen the show, never won immunity or had his name written down, gracefully rode into the Survivor sunset with the most immaculate record in its history.

Survivor Retrospective: Panama - Exile Island

Rating: 5.5/10

Survivor's 12th chapter was as predictable a season as would ever come, but a strong all-new cast, impactful innovations and enduring storylines buoyed Panama to the median. Its principal gimmick, Exile Island, provided enough intrigue, strategy and character development to persist as a feature for several more seasons. Four of the sixteen castaways would justifiably return for later seasons.

Exile Island's cast began as four tribes divided by age and gender (younger men, older women, etc.), a gimmick that lasted just one episode. (Interestingly, the final four would be comprised of one member of each initial demographic). After the older women lost the first immunity, the tribes were condensed to two using a schoolyard pick. Still, two of the next three exits were older women - leaving season tour guide and the season's most charismatic player, Cirie, as the last remaining older woman. Cirie was the season's most articulate player, its obvious heroine and dramatic center.  Her three subsequent appearances - including two more deep runs - were well-deserved. 

A handful of above-average players accompanied Cirie past the Merge, including scrappy social worker Sally, aw-shucks young writer Austin, unblemished Aras, megababe Danielle, erratically entertaining Shane and one-dimensional fighter pilot Terry, a premier physical player. Casaya entered the Merge up 6-4, an advantage they exploited until only Terry remained. Terry won five straight immunities, all while possessing an overpowered immunity idol that could be played after the vote. Terry never appeared to seriously consider saving a tribemate with his idol, including an opportunity to save Sally and oust Aras.

While the meta strategy was unquestioned, Panama managed to maintain intrigue through the minutiae of Casaya's relationships. Cirie began hopelessly at the bottom, but hung around long enough to forge the tightest bond (with Aras) in a season with few of them. Casaya's Bruce was med-evaced with six left. When push finally came to shove for Casaya, they opted for annoying Courtney and Shane before Cirie. "I'm in an alliance with three nutballs," Aras had earlier lamented. He broke that alliance for Cirie, but it wasn't enough: Danielle and Terry voted for her with four left, forcing a firemaking tiebreaker that Danielle won to pare the field to three. She upset the rival alphas in the climactic final immunity challenged and decided to roll with Aras, succumbing in a 5-2 vote. He wasn't the show's most engaging champion, but wasn't particularly objectionable either: an average winner for an average season.

Like many early seasons, voting intrigue in Panama wasn't its primary diversion. The physical elements were fierce: brutal storms, flooded camps, starvation, the solitude of Exile Island, Bruce's digestive discomfort. The solemnity of the karate blackbelt's evacuation was underscored and undermined by a naked Shane helping to carry the stretcher out. Most of all, Panama managed to get intelligent, interesting and attractive people on the screen - a simple recipe too often forgotten in Survivor's annals.