One World: Episode 6

Alrighty, I'm back again and ready for attempt #2 on this post. Many thanks to all the commenters for providing insight on the best parts of this episode! 


Obviously the highlight of the episode was Colton's appendicitis and medical evacuation, followed by a whole bunch of people who could barely hold back their smiles of glee.... except Jonas & Alicia. What's that you said Moon? "I think you're disparaging Jonas the Sycophant a little excessively." If a guy cries when his evil dictator boss is removed from the game, I am not being excessive.


While not an overly thrilling episode, I am really excited about the early merge. The merge is when the pool really gets interesting & the points start racking up! I'm also interested to see how an early merge affects alliances & group dynamics. So really an early merge is good for the pool and good for the show. Win win win. I wonder which alliances they'll stick to most closely. You'd expect them to be more loyal to the people they've known the longest, but for some reason I think they'll all stick closer to their new tribemates. 

The Standings:


Untouchables - Seriously don't touch me: Doug/Bri - 22 pts
1. Jay (10 pts)
2. Troyzan (10 pts)
3. Alicia (2 pts)

Pride of Chucky: Bag/Leah- 20 pts
1. Kim (14 pts)
2. Leif (3 pts)
3. Colton (3 pts)

All Balls, No Brains: Dachui - 20 pts
1.Michael (10 pts)
[2. Bill (1 pt)]
3. Kat (9 pts)

Ladies of Ephesus: Me - 13 pts
1. Chelsea (9 pts)
[2. Monica (2 pts)]
3. Christina (2 pts)

The Sycophants: Moon- 11 pts
1. Jonas (1 pts)
2. Sabrina (7 pts)
3. Tarzan (3 pts)

Power Rankings:

1. Untouchables - Seriously don't touch me - Doug & Bri may be to blame for the sudden disappearance of my last post. In the time it's taken me to re-write it they've named their team and shot from last place to first in the power rankings. An investigation is pending. In the meantime, though, let's talk about how solid this team is. Troyzan & Jay are in a really good position in the game right now & losing Alicia really wouldn't be that big of a deal. Although, if she sticks around there's a decent chance she'll win the DoW grand prize of 10 points. She seems determined to win it. According to my mother, Alicia is douchier than a hateful bigot. It's pretty tough to beat that.

2. Pride of Chucky - Bag & my team are on a similar trajectory, but his strong female lead is stronger than mine, and his semi-obnoxious sidekick dreg is less obnoxious. I'd say that Kim is the current favorite to win the game right now and I'll admit it: I'm jealous I don't have her. Leif may skate by for a little while, but I don't think he'll get too far. He's messed up a few too many times for anyone to trust him now. 

3. Ladies of Ephesus - My team isn't getting enough positive air time right now, and it's making me nervous. I hope that Tarzan really does shoot himself in the foot next episode & Christina somehow squirms her way into an alliance. Chelsea's too quiet for my tastes so far, but I also think she'll be a good breadwinner for my team. Gotta hope a deep run!


4. The Sycophants - This team is mediocre. There's a chance one of them will make a deep run, but even if they do I just don't see them earning many points on the way. It's merged from here on out & it's going to change the scoring of this game majorly. Individual challenges are going to really polarize team scores & I think this team will be sitting at the bottom of the scoreboard for a long time before it kicks into gear. 

5. All Balls, No Brains - Dachui's team may have won the "Most Embarrassing Pony" award with the pick of Kat, a woman pursuing a college degree who has never heard of an appendix of appendicitis. And they had Brandon last season. Michael's a goner and this team is too - sorry Dachui!


Douche of the Week:The votes so far have pretty much locked up Alicia as DoW, unless this have a larger following thank I think. (But if lurkers are there, please vote!) Current scores are: Alicia = 4; Colton = 1. I'm giving my vote to Jonas, for crying when Colton left.

One World: Episode 6

Ahhhh! I'd almost completed my whole blog post & then my stupid computer simultaneously deleted the text & then auto-saved... le boo. I will re-write the blog & post again later but for now am too upset to do it. If you'd like to see the scores in the meantime, please check the spreadsheet --------------->

One World: Episode 5

Sorry for my late post on last week's episode, it's been a very busy & exciting week what with all the basketball. But, since Duke & Colorado both quickly exited from the tournament this year, I can once again focus on Survivor.

I must say the reassigned teams are the most unfair distribution of teams I've ever seen. It looks like the drawing was rigged. The only way to make them more lopsided would have been to switch Monica & Kat. It's a good thing that Colton likes tribal council & voting people out, since it seems like he'll have plenty of opportunities!

That's okay, though, I'm not too sad about it. I'm looking forward to the weak team getting pummeled every episode. I usually cheer for the underdogs, but I'm making an exception in this case. After all, who is there really to cheer for? Tarzan seems like a really cool person to talk to in a classroom or bar, but on Survivor he's pretty useless & unintentionally makes other people look bad. Leif is none too bright & is probably already on Colton's list - although I do give him credit for putting up a serious fight in the challenge. Christina & Alicia have no idea what's going on in the game, and probably wouldn't know how to play even if they were in the loop. And Jonas is a despicable sycophant, more on him below.

The Standings: 

Team ??: Doug/Bri - 18 pts
1. Jay (8 pts)
2. Troyzan (8 pts)
3. Alicia (2 pts)

Pride of Chucky: Bag/Leah- 18 pts
1. Kim (12 pts)
2. Leif (3 pts)
3. Colton (3 pts)

All Balls, No Brains: Dachui - 16 pts
1.Michael (8 pts)
[2. Bill (1 pt)]
3. Kat (7 pts)


Ladies of Ephesus: Me - 11 pts
1. Chelsea (7 pts)
[2. Monica (2 pts)]
3. Christina (2 pts)

OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH: Moon- 11 pts
1. Jonas (1 pts)
2. Sabrina (7 pts)
3. Tarzan (3 pts)

Power Rankings:

1. Pride of Chucky - Ugh. I really hate ranking this team first, not because I don't like Bag & Leah (which is why I say "ugh" every time I rank Moon first, that smarmy bastard) but because Colton is so repulsive that I hate to give him any credit. But it seems like he's developed quite a following of brainless chickies, so I guess I should respect his current authoritah. Btw, apart from Cartman's obesity & home state, is there really that much difference between him & Colton? Mostly this team is ranked first because of Kim, though. She's a beast, and doing something that you enjoy is a unmeasurable advantage in this game. She seems prepared on all fronts - strategy, physicality, and the social game. I'm happy my team is her ally.

2. Team ?? - Doug & Bri's team is on notice. If they don't get me a team name by my next post (probably Thursday, but who can say for sure?) then I will not rank them higher than 5th until they do. It has been decreed. Otherwise, I think this team is in good shape - sure the men are in the minority on the strong tribe, but it looks like they will be heading to tribal pretty rarely, so they're not at too much of a risk. Post-merge both Jay & Troyzan are pretty serious threats - they're not too dominating in strength or personality - so they could make a deep run. Alicia is a waste of space in my opinion, but may have lucked into a good coattail riding spot. We shall see.

3. Ladies of Ephesus - Last week's episode was rather devastating for my team, although Chelsea is my golden goose, so I can't complain too much so long as she's on the strong tribe. Losing Monica wasn't surprising - after all it only makes sense that on the Survivor season with what has to be the lowest overall IQ they would make the dumbest decision on who to get rid of first. Probst was right; the weak team voted out their strongest physical player. Christina will probably be next, and I won't miss her. Go Chelsea!

4. OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH - I like Sabrina. That's it. Jonas needs to grow a pair (did Dachui steal them?) & actually do something on his own. Stop agreeing to do everything that Colton says, Butters - I mean, Jonas! Do you really think that any of his decisions have actually been good? Jonas has found a way to stay safe for now, but he's giving himself very little chance to win the game.

5. All Balls, No Brains - With Michael clearly on the outs, Dachui is left relying on "No Brains" Kat to get them through this game. They have 2 people on the strong tribe, so they'll rack up some points while un-merged, but I don't see either of these players making a run for Final Tribal, which is where the points really add up.


Douche of the Week:

Colton won handily last week. Who will it be this week? My vote is for Michael, who strong-armed men, women, and little people with such a reckless enthusiasm in the challenge that I couldn't help but despise him for it. Completely unnecessary, and detrimental to his social status - which was already suffering - in the game.

One World: Episode 4

I think it's a good omen when the premiere of the Survivor Pool season includes an act so stupid it leaves Probst speechless. You could tell by his facial expressions as the men entered Tribal that he was going to have a really good time reaming them, and deservedly so. What a terrible decision - anyone who says that "only time will tell" if this was a good move is kidding themselves. You don't give that big of an advantage to the other team, even if you do think getting rid of one of your members is urgent (which it's not). My only thought on this is that Colton really is trying to destroy the men's team before dumping them for the women in a merge.


Probably the most intense moment of the episode for me was watching Tarzan realize that he's voting out Bill because a spoiled, bratty kid doesn't like poor minorities. I mean, wow. Colton offended almost every group of people in America in about 5 minutes, surpassing South Park's amazing feat of doing the same thing in 1 feature-length film. Colton doesn't like: men, poor people, black people (and probably all non-White people - look out Jonas!), people with jobs he doesn't approve of, and anyone who steals attention away from him. He probably also doesn't like most women, but we haven't seen him interact with enough of them to know that for sure yet.

The Standings: 

Team ??: Doug/Bri - 8 pts
1. Jay (3 pts)
2. Troyzan (3 pts)
3. Alicia (2 pts)

Pride of Chucky: Bag/Leah- 8 pts
1. Kim (2 pts)
2. Leif (3 pts)
3. Colton (3 pts)

Ladies of Ephesus: Me - 6 pts
1. Chelsea (2 pts)
2. Monica (2 pts)
3. Christina (2 pts)

All Balls, No Brains: Dachui - 6 pts
1.Michael (3 pts)
[2. Bill (1 pt)]
3. Kat (2 pts)

OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH: Moon- 6 pts
1. Jonas (1 pts)

2. Sabrina (2 pts)

3. Tarzan (3 pts)

Power Rankings:




 
1. OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH - I think Moon's team is the only one that doesn't have someone on it who's name has been brought up for elimination. For this reason, I'm rating Moon first. I'm eager to see how long this lasts as I believe Tarzan's going to be at risk after the craziness of last episode. I'm also interested to see if Moon accepts Doug's challenge of a Jay v. Jonas showdown.

2. Ladies of Ephesus - Name change due to the unpopularity of "Good Boobs." Still wanting to incorporate the plethora of femininity on my team, though, I've named them after a statue of Artemis - note that in this article it's up for debate whether the "boobs" on the statue are actually breasts or testicles sacrificed to the goddess (which I'm taking as a good omen for the women's tribe). Overall the women's tribe is a mess, but it hasn't reached the shit-show level of the men's tribe, so there's hope for the ladies!

3. Team ?? - Honestly, I have my doubts about Jay, but Troyzan could very easily take control of this game in a post-merge situation. He appears to be the most level-headed of the men & smart enough to lay low for a while. Alicia is too ridiculous to discuss - I don't have the energy to come up with a PC way to express my feelings for her.

4. Pride of Chucky - Bag's team was looking pretty decent until this last episode. Then the boys started opening their mouths & the crap that poured out of them was stunning. Leif & Colton both now are in serious trouble, although Colton thinks he's earned perma-immunity just by having an idol. I expect one or both of them to be gone in the next couple episodes. On the plus side Kim is a major threat, so at least there's some hope.

5. All Balls, No Brains - Thanks to Colton, Dachui is already in a giant hole. Kat can't really be counted as a player, so it's really up to Michael to carry this team, and he's not in a majority alliance at the moment. It seems like they achieved their primary goal, though, which was to not choose the crazy religious zealot this season!


Douche of the Week:

The votes are pouring in already! Don't miss out on your chance to vote for the biggest douche of this week! So far our votes are:

Colton - 3 votes (me, Ben & Doug)
Leif - 1 vote (Baggins)

Any & all are invited to vote. If you're on a team, you can still vote too (cough cough, Bri & Leah). Get your votes in through comments on this post before next week's episode!

Survivor One World: the “Minutes” & Draft

Hear ye, hear ye, this draft has now been called to order!

Attending the draft were: Michal, Bag, Bri, Richey (arrived at 6:20), and Danielle (arrived at 6:42).

The first order of business will be to make our picks & we’ll look at the rules afterwards. The drawing for the order in which picks were made was done using Richey’s hood, while he was still wearing it. The order was: Doug/Bri first, Michal second, Bag/Leah third, Dachui fourth, and Moon fifth. We snaked with this first drawing & then redrew for the last round of dreg picks. The redraw order was almost identical to the first drawing: Bag/Leah first, Michal second, Doug/Bri third, Dachui fourth, and Moon fifth.

People missing from the draft: Moon (in Ethiopia), Ben (working, but proxied for Moon through the phone), Doug (taking care of puppy), and Leah (picking up friend from airport). We missed you all!

The Picks:

Doug/Bri:

1. Jay

2. Troyzan

3. Alicia

Michal:

1. Chelsea

2. Monica

3. Christina

Bag/Leah:

1.  Kim

2. Leif

3. Colton

Dachui:

1. Michael

2. Bill

3. Kat

Moon:

1. Jonas

2. Sabrina

3. Tarzan

Everyone agreed that the cast of characters on this season was extra-dreggy. Because of this it was hard to decide who had a good team & who didn’t, although Danielle declared that Michal’s team of all women would be the first to go.

The Rules:

The rules are mostly the same with a few changes to hidden immunity idol points, reducing the amount earned for making Final Tribal, and the awesome addition of the Douche of the Week* rule.

Placement Points

Making Final Tribal Council: 20 + 5 points per vote received

Jury: 10

Challenge Points

Win team reward challenge: 2

Win team immunity challenge: 3

Win individual reward challenge: 4

Win individual immunity challenge: 6

Invited to share reward challenge: 1

Sit out a challenge: -2

Hidden Immunity Idol Points

Find the other tribe’s hidden immunity idol: 10

Find your tribe’s hidden immunity idol: 5

Play hidden immunity idol (success v. fail): 10/-5

If you play hidden immunity idol unsuccessfully during the last tribal council you can play it: 0

If you don't play your immunity idol on the last day you can play it (whether necessary or not): -5

Plays a fake immunity idol: -10

Creator of fake immunity idol, if played: 5

Miscellaneous Points

Buy bad item at auction/don't buy an item at auction: -2

Buy good item at auction: 2

Douche of the Week*: 10

Fan Favorite: 5

Quitters: -10

* Douche of the Week is the most exciting new rule for this season! Each week, readers of this blog can vote for who was the most obnoxious/stupid/least valuable player in the last episode by posting a comment onto my blog. Whoever gets the most votes for each episode earns the Douche of the Week (DoW) title. The castaway that gets the most Douche of the Week titles will be crowned as the Douchiest of Douches & earn their team a bonus 10 points. Note: you don’t need to be in the pool to vote, but that you can only vote once per week. The polls close when the next episode airs, so you only have 1 week to get your vote in! Once we’re down to 4 players, there will be no more voting.

Team Names:

The final decision of the day was to come up with team names… although nothing was completely decided yet. Dachui’s main goal in picking their team was to NOT pick someone super religious again. As such they considered the team name “Anti-Christ” but were concerned that would bring too many spammers to the blog.

Bag/Leah = Pride of Chucky

Moon = Ah-ah-AHHHH, ah AHH, ahahahahahhhhh!!!!!!

Doug/Bri = currently undecided

Michal = Team Good Boobs

Dachui = All Balls, No Brains